Window to my world

Project 365...Day.9

2009-09-20T21:58:00.000-07:00

The plants in a row...three close to the camera, and one past my house...are from Tim before he left. He bought them while shopping with the kids (without me) at Home Depot. He brought them home and we all got to plant them together! The kids gathered stones to place around each plant. We dug, planted, and mulched together as a family. Everyone had a great time! Tim said he wants us to remember him every time we look at them. We love you and miss you!

Project 365...Day.8

2009-09-20T21:54:00.000-07:00

This is a picture of some flowers Tim brought home and I cut and put together. These were only some of the flowers that Tim gave to me deployment got closer. I miss him so much! I love you, Tim!

All by myself

2009-09-20T11:51:00.000-07:00

Tim has been gone over a week now. I have been trying to motivate myself to blog for months. I posted almost daily during the last deployment. I will be attempting to post regularly this time. I am a lot busier this time. All of the kids are in school or preschool and I am working and in school. I do know that it helps to get my feelings out. I'll blog about random life events. I don't know if anyone will be reading this anymore, but I am doing it for my own piece of mind.

One thing that I started yesterday is Walk To Iraq and Back. I believe the goal is over 15,000 miles! A few other wives are joining. My kids and I walked one mile yesterday together. I think it will be a great way to spend time together and it has so many positives like exercise and goals, etc.

My Best Friend here, Kathryn, moved back home during our husbands' deployment. I have not made too many friends in our battery. I am trying to get out and meet people, but I feel like I am a day late. People have their close friends at this point.

I have a full load of courses in school. I am substitute teaching in special ed classes all over my district. The work is plentiful and it has been keeping me busy. The kids are in soccer right now. I will be getting them back into dance, swimming, gymnastics, etc. after soccer season ends. I am not sure how I will pull it off alone, juggling all that is my life, but I will try my best. I would hate to have to pull out of things we love.

I have said enough for now. I am just glad that I came and wrote something. That is what it takes to get me started again!

Wacky Socks Wednesday

2009-03-04T09:29:00.000-08:00

This week at my son's school is Dr Seuss week. Each day, they dress up in a certain way, kind of like Homecoming week. I have been very excited about getting him interested in school activities. Monday, he was supposed to wear green for 'Green Eggs and Ham', so I bought a new green t-shirt, and layered it over a white long-sleeved button down. Very nice! Yesterday, he had to wear black & white for 'On Beyond Zebra!', so we put a white shirt under a black one. He looked cute. Today is 'Fox in Socks', so he wore wacky or mismatched socks. I took some white socks, drew silly faces on both, as well as a couple of other wacky things, and rolled him jeans up under his knees so he can show them off. Next comes 'One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish', and he will wear Red and Blue. Friday, for 'The Cat in the Hat', he gets to wear a crazy hat.
It is these kind of things that I always looked forward to doing with my kids, even before I was a mother!

Also, Monday was Connor's first day going to the A.M. schedule kindergarten. He and Katelyn are both on the same school schedule now-phew!! It is so wonderful! It is now just Hope and me for half of the day. Very nice! And, I found out that he gets to ride the bus with Katelyn since the bus stops at both schools! How awesome is that?!? Wednesday is self-transport, because the buses don't run those days. But, all the other days, I just walk to the bus stop! I am so thrilled!

On a heavier note, Tim received orders for re-deploying to the Middle-East later this year. We were really getting into the groove of things, and now, everything is getting crazy. His training schedule will be taking him away from home for days, even weeks at a time from here on out. I understand that he will have had over 12 months between cycles, but he just returned home last June. The rumors of the early re-deployment began circulating last December. This adds such a large amount of emotional stress on everyone. Not just our family, EVERYONE. We just wanted 12 months of normal life. To me, that means no talk and planning of deploying again, no mandatory FRG meetings, no ridiculous training schedules, and certainly no talking to the kids about Daddy leaving again so soon.

I guess this is normal life here, but I can tell you, it is not easy. Just when we are OK with life circumstances, and get into a routine, things like this happen. Luckily, he was able to finish 3 accelerated college terms, and get on the Dean's List! He hopes to continue online.

I am still in school full-time. I will be taking my WEST-B this year, which is the Washington Educators Skills Test. I have to pass that so I can teach after I graduate. I was through with my coursework for the term, but, as I tend to do, added another course at the end. So, I am wrapping the last one up now, which is conducting a scientific experiment. I will then have one class left before I am ready to enter the teacher's program full time. No more liberal arts courses! Yay! I am very happy that I decided to go back. Finishing my 4 yr degree has been something I have wanted to do since I left college to have babies. Now, those babies are growing up so fast. Hope will be in Pre-school this fall. The others are going into 1st and Kindergarten. Time flies! I hope to begin teaching by fall 2012 at the latest. I do not want to push myself too hard, though, but fall 2012 is very reasonable, and I can being the year before if I work quicker. It is the student teaching and the classroom clinicals that cannot really be rushed, so I can speed through the next 2 terms if I want to finish sooner.

The kids are so busy in lessons-ballet, swimming, gymnastics, tae kwon do. They are really learning so much about themselves, and their different interests. Hope was taking ballet/tap, and Katelyn was in ballet/jazz. Hope kept telling me when I signed her up, that she didn't want to take tap, only ballet. I told her she loved tap, because she always dances in her tap shoes in the dining room, and loves them. So, when she started class, she would never do anything the teacher asked. All the other kids were listening, and Hope would literally curl up in the corner. Finally, 2 weeks ago, I talked to Hope about it again. She told me (again) that she only wanted to do ballet, and not tap. She promised me that she would like it and participate. I told her we could try it and see, but I was not going to pay or drive there every week if she kept curling up in the corner. Well, she has been doing ballet/jazz for 2 weeks now, and she actually participates!! My 3 year old knew what she wanted from day 1, it was me trying to tell her what she really wanted that messed things up for her! Children are so wise! She loves her new class, and there are even a few girls that are in the ballet/jazz class that also take her old tap class. So, she has some friends! She has even been invited to a party for one of our friends.

Speaking of parties....having 3 active kids means having a huge list of their friends, each one having birthdays...and birthday parties. Do you know, since the beginning of 2009, I think we have attended 8 bday parties (and one baby shower on my end). We have 2 this month, one of which is for triplets!! I can honestly say that we have spent more on their friends this year than we have for them! Lol.

Well, I need to get ready to pick up Connor from school. I am so glad I finally sat down to write something!

Sunday Morning Thoughts

2009-02-08T11:39:00.000-08:00

The reason I am never blogging anymore is because I spend too much time on Facebook! We have been so busy. We have been going to so many of the kids' friends birthday parties lately. I think I have spent more money on their friends than my own kids this year!
Updates:
My sister is 12 weeks pregnant! She is not with the father. He wants to be there, but she wants him to grow up some more. I knoew they will get back together. He is excited about the baby coming, but she is adament about his maturity level as a father.
Also, my sister in law is 15 weeks pregnant. No exclamation with that news. She and my mother in law moved up here last summer, she got pregnant, and they moved back home last week. Not sure why they even moved here in the first place. The baby's father did not move back with them. He was a soldier who is now out of the military. He stayed here. So, I guess I am just old-fashioned. We got married first. I do wish I had finished college before having babies. I finished almost 2 yrs. I am now wrapping up my first term back in school. I am very ecited about getting my degree after being out of school for the better part of 7 years. It is a goal of mine to complete it by the age of 30. Tim also went back. He is not going full time right now, but did last term.
We had Connor's 6th birthday party at our house Friday night. It was a sleepover! It was a lot of fun. There was no fighting, and they stayed up till 11pm! It went as smoothly as it could have with 4 6 yr old boys in our home! A very good experience for all of us. He got a new light saber, and they played star wars most of the night. There were three sabers here total. They also played on the Wii for hours, and watched a movie at the end.
I will post pictures later. I have so much to do!

Boring Retrospective

2009-01-07T11:09:00.001-08:00

I needed to blog. It has been almost a month. My intention to blog more often is not working very well.
Well, school has started back and Tim is back to work, and has decided to continue college this semester as well. I am still finishing up my first term back. I have through the end of February. Then I will begin the next term.
2009 is now going into the second week.
This year is a very new experience for me. This is the first year that I will have an entire year of not believing in God.
This time last year, I had left church and was figuring out things on my own for the very first time. It was at that time, lots of people came to learn about my blog, and I seemed to stir up a lot of people's thoughts.
So, now, I am much more grounded as to where I stand-"I don't know"
Isn't that the best answer? The more I know the less I know. But I love that I now have an appreciation for so many things that I never would have learned had I not broken free from the mundane. I do miss the people, but in time, there will be a new routine.
I was thinking the other day-if we could begin saying the word GOOD instead of GOD, then I think the whole world would follow GOOD. Because if we always say God is Love, then we should simply say Love is our master, not an arbitrary God that we try desperately to fit into our 'god mold' of the millennium.
Back to this year.
I am now trying to get back into really meditating. I have done some study on Reiki healing, and have books, and I received one session from a woman who did not believe in it nor knew much about it, she was more of a general masseuse. Tim found a few local Reiki Master studios in the Tacoma area that I am going to go to. I want to get a healing and also an attunement so I can give healing to others. That is what I want for the year. One thing, anyway. I have yet to come up with an official resolution list. I will make that my next blog. For now, Connor has to be at school in 20 minutes!

Family pictures and Connor's school program

2008-12-17T13:42:00.000-08:00

This year, we have so much going on.

Tim and I are both in school. Connor and Katelyn are in school. And I have a job, which is a new development. I just spent a fortune on the kids pictures last month, so, with all the money going other places this month, I decided to do our Christmas card picture myself. This was the winner.

I only took three! We were walking out the door to Connor's Christmas program, and I had everyone sit down and take it. Not a great photo, but it is very real! And I didn't think too much about it, which is highly unusual for me. This one was just a trial pic of the kids, but nothing turned out:

This was after Connor's program. Hope looks less than thrilled to be in the picture :)

Woke up to a winter wonderland!

2008-12-17T13:36:00.000-08:00

I love when it snows. I mean, really snows. Back home in Memphis, there are never any good snow days. It all melts by the time the day is over. Here is Washington, winters are much more traditional! We woke up to great snow! We ran out around noon to sled, throw snowballs, and before we made a snowman, the kids were wet and cold and were ready for hot chocolate. I have been playing all day and now I need to get some school work done! Here are a few pictures. I didn't get many because the snow was coming down too hard and I didn't want to ruin the camera.

Here is our dog, JD (previous owners named him Jack Daniels). He absolutely loved the snow! This was his first glimpse, so he was a bit confused at first!

This is the view from my dining room window:

This is our front yard, from my porch:

We were in the backyard throwing snowballs:

I will surely have more soon!

Katelyn's Royal Ball

2008-11-18T10:18:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Katelyn's 5th birthday over the weekend. We had a royal ball, in order to incorporate boys into the party. I asked everyone to come dressed in their finest, fanciest clothes, because it was a ball. Well, only one guest actually dressed up. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I had on a formal dress, and my kids were all dressed up, curled hair and all. I would have felt bad for my kids had I showed up at a party they were invited to, and didn't dress them appropriately. Another problem was Tim getting called in to work last minute. They had an emergency roster check. He missed at least half of the party. I spent two days on the cake alone, and I was counting on help! My mother in law helped until she had to leave for work-as soon as the party started. So, I tried delegating things out to moms. It went pretty well overall. I got some pictures. I forgot to get some of the front of the house. We had a red carpet up the walk, and a pink and silver balloon archway at the door. It was really beautiful!

Tim and me with Katelyn and the cake

Hope

Connor and Hope

Dancing

Katelyn with her cake

Hope and Dawn, my sister-in-law

Katelyn at her new vanity-she was so happy!

Here are some fall 2008 photos I had made:

All three:

Hope:

Katelyn being silly:

Connor:

America-A great country just became even greater

2008-11-05T06:42:00.000-08:00

"So this is what it feels like to be 'proud to be an American'? I've had that song in my head since I woke up this morning. I was pulling for Obama to win for months and months. All of my friends on my Facebook are from back home in Tennessee, and all of my family back there, as well as those in Arkansas, they were full of not so nice words for Barack all along. It put a little doubt in my mind about him winning, but I could see poll numbers leading up to the election, and I still had hope. I feel so proud of my fellow countrymen and women today for the choice that we made together yesterday. McCain is a great man, I do believe, however, Obama is the man that this country needs RIGHT NOW. He is cool, calm, and collected, and whether the white south admits it to themselves or not, this was about race as well. And it is about race only because the fact that we want racial equality, but continue to put white men in the oval office. Obama did not run as a black canditate, but he is black, at least half black, and what I see about to happen is a great thing. The people in the poverty lives, and ghettos now see a black man being the most powerful figure on earth. For the FIRST time in history, they see that you can make it to the top-no matter your odds. They see it for real. I see the social experiment of the millenium about to test humanity and shape us into a more perfected people.
I took Connor to the voting booth with me yesterday. He has been so excited about this election, so, since he is almost 6, I thought it would be a memorable experience for him. Katelyn begged to go, too, but I had no idea how long the lines would be, and I didn't want both of them to be there, fighting, etc!
We waited 2 hours, and finished "Detective Camp", a chapter book I have been reading to him. And we stood in line with some entertaining figures that took the time factor off focus. I dropped him off at school on the way home so he didn't miss the entire day, and he got to wear the "I voted" sticker inside class.
Last night, we all gathered to watch the results. When it hit 333 votes for Obama, Hope and Connor ran in because they heard me shouting for joy!! Hope began dancing and singing and Connor started shouting that he wanted to call Pop! I tried to call Pop, but we got his voicemail. Connor left a funny heartfelt message. Then Connor ran in and got me some pudding and a spoon. He said "here mommy, take a bite".
You see, two weeks ago, I decided to stop eating anything sweet until Obama won. Not that I know fasting works, but I was raised in that mindset, so I did it. The wisdom of my 5 year old son to go to the fridge to get something sweet overwhelmed me.
Connor then began speaking of when he becomes president.
So, while I am sorry for the loss of many McCain supporters' candidate, I am so uplifted today.

3 and 5 year old politicians??

2008-11-03T06:45:00.001-08:00

We had Tim's mom, sister, and his sister's boyfriend over last night for dinner. While we were eating, Connor says, "So, Granny, Dawn, who do you want to be Prseident? Obama or McCain?" Now, I was the only one that really thought that was classic, because no one else that was here really cares about politics very much. But, I was so proud of him for forming that intelligent discussion, even if it was at the dinner table!
Rewind to three days ago...
Hope was sitting on the couch with me, and there was a rally on the news where Joe Biden was speaking. Hope says, "Where's Obama?"
Am I creating little politicians? They can barely read or ride a bike, yet, they debate politics at dinner??

SNL clips!

2008-10-26T07:55:00.000-07:00

Our First Trip to the Pumpkin Patch

2008-10-12T12:56:00.000-07:00

(The pumpkin I literally picked from the vine)

I have always wanted to take the kids to a pumpkin patch, and finally mustered the courage this year. They are older now and able to go places with more ease than the years before.
We had a GREAT time! We did not leave our house until way into the afternoon, and I was worried that it might be a waste of time. It was sprinkling the whole time, too, but it was some sort of magic rain that did not get us wet. Lol. Sara was in town so she was with us. We kept mentioning the fast that we had been out there in the rain for a few hours and we were not wet and our hair was not frizzy. I decided it MUST be magic rain that is meant only for the plants. Tim did not go because he had final exams the next week and had to study, so I was happy Sara was in town.

There were goats, lots of goats! And we fed them!

This was on the hayride to the patch. Aunt Sara with the kids! She was so happy to be here! And they were, too!

Sara and Hope :)

It was funny, because there were so many rotten pumpkins in the patch. My sister and I laughed because I said to the kids "go over there and squat by the pumpkins so I can take your picture", but when we looked, the rotten ones were everywhere! So, just ignore the gross ones! lol.

This was in front of a series of gorgeous gardens

This was a cute duck race for the kids. Each one had to pump water and make a rubber ducky swim down into a bucket of water

The girls had their faces painted like kitties:

Connor wanted a hippo on his face, so this is how that turned out:

This is Sara holding everyone's balloon flowers: (notice Connor's hat that she wore all day)

So, there you have it! I have some things I want to add after I take pictures. Just little crafts I did for fall.

Obama vs. McCain

2008-10-10T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am so saddened by what I am hearing from the McCain supporters at his rally's. I cannot believe there are Americans this close minded in today's world. A woman yelled "Bomb Obama" today at a McCain rally, among other things. Another lady spoke directly with McCain telling him that she is scared because Obama is an Arab.
This is very sad to me. McCain had to actually defend him! Because he knows that Obama is a good man. I know something big is about to happen, and after it does, people will finally wake up to the truth that we are all here together, and can live together, without fear and prejudices. I cannot believe it!!
These people that think like those I spoke of above are in a different reality. I hope they join the masses soon. That mindset is way outdated. The fear from people is what causes war and keeps the corruption in power for so long.
Bailout? C'mon. Give me a break. That is so ridiculous. When I mess up on money and budgets, who is going to bail us out? I hope the world sees and hears that America is not happy about this. I believe it was the president of Iran that recently said that America has seen it's peak of power in the world. So, basically, it will be downhill from here, right? I feel very downhearted about my country, and have for about a year now. We have been lied to, kept in the dark, and as we become educated, we become discontent with what is going on in our world. I am ready for a change.

Another Zeitgeist Movie! ZEITGEIST: ADDENDUM

2008-10-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

This one was a wonderful follow-up to the first! It is going to be a glorious new age (It takes a good hour to see what could happen if we really want change :) )

http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com

**If you have not seen the first one yet, scroll to the bottom of main page to view.
The one on top is the second one. JUST RELEASED OCTOBER 3!

Both are approx 2 hours in length, but they are worth your time, and free!

October 14, 2008

2008-09-29T10:02:00.000-07:00

I follow a lot of news that is not in the mainstream. I am very interested in the paranormal, ET's, UFO's, etc.
I came upon MANY different sites about Otober 14, 2008. There are different predictions on what will happen, and how it will happen, but the stories seem to be all along the same lines. So, if you are interested, just do a search on it. If it does happen, cool, but if not, oh well! I am not going to hold my breath, but I did want to post this teaser in case any of you with an open mind want to look into it more. I'm not going to type up anything more about it, because you will think I am a lunatic!! Lol. But we'll see!
Oh, and the date is not set in stone, but the timeline itself is...

Saturday Morning Tea and Muffins

2008-09-27T09:32:00.000-07:00

I made whole wheat muffins with fresh blueberries this morning, and am now drinking my hot tea. In my effort to blog more often, I am sitting down to type. Trying to make it more of a habit again.
We have two soccer games this morning, so I have to get moving. My sister is coming to visit next Saturday! I am so excited! She'll be here for only 4 or 5 days. She said she is suffering from withdrawals because the kids and I have been gone since mid-May. We are best friends and I was living back in our hometown while Tim was deployed. We spoiled each other by seeing a lot more of each other than we had gotten used to the last few years. She is one of the only people I have ever met that is as strange as I am, lol. Noone seems to really 'get' either of us, so we really enjoy being around each other. She and I are not the same, really, but we are both marching to a different drum than the norm, and we complement each other's oddities :)
I am looking up fun things to do while she is here. The leaves are falling and are gorgeous colors, and there are so many potentially fun outings! I found a family farm nearby that I want to take the family to, but she will not be going, because of the dates. But I will find something!
I am also planning Katelyn's 5th birthday party. It is mid-November, and I am trying to get ideas. It is beginning to come together in my head, though.
Well, I need to get up, dressed, and the kids ready, too.
I am proud of myself for writing this morning!

Various Life Updates..I need to blog more often

2008-09-26T09:53:00.000-07:00

Our family at the end of our one night camping adventure with the kids-their first campout EVER :)
September 2008

I find myself mentally blogging all of the time, which must mean I need to get the thoughts out, and into real readable words. This only happens when I have not blogged in a while. Whenever I finally do write, I feel much better :) I hold back many potential entries because I think, "Noone even reads these, why take the time?", but it is for me, so I need to do it more either way. It isn't for "my public", lol

Things have been pretty mundane, yet busy around the 5ash household. We are getting into the full swing of being parents of children that are no longer babies, yet they are not old enough to take out in public all at once, and us be able to enjoy ourselves. I know that time will come, but for now, we take them in turns and solo dates, and the other of us stays home with the other two.

Katelyn has started preschool. She goes half-days in the mornings. She is so big! Here are some photos of her first day:

Here Connor is giving Katelyn a big hug and kiss before she went to school. He was so excited for her! (Notice he is holding TWO tape measures, and notice the board on the carpet, which he was measuring.)

Tim giving Katelyn a big hug before she left for her first day of Preschool!

Here is Katelyn sitting in her seat in her new classroom! Have you ever seen a bigger smile?

Connor is in Kindergarten. He is doing great! We live down the street from his school, so we usually walk. He goes half days, in the afternoons. I am not happy about the half day schedule for him, but I am dealing with it!! I had never heard of real Kindergarten being 1/2 day. Here are some pictures of his first day (actually it was his 2nd day..I forgot the memory card in the camera on the 1st day, and had to re-do them the second day!)

Connor ready to go!

This is Ms. Jackson's Kindergarten class. This is how they go in, and how they leave.

Connor, Jaylen-my friend's son, and Landon, Jaylen's neighbor...all in the same class! This made the first few days much easier for them. Look how short Connor is!

We had to say good-bye to some of our friends that we had made since coming to Ft Lewis. The Cortizar family, with 4 children, had become some of our cookout regulars and birthday party guests. Raul and Tim worke together and were deployed together. Blanca and I talked often. They PCS'd to Georgia earlier in September. They stopped by the night before they left:

Here is Tim talking to Raul and Blanca. That is one of their dogs, Zeus.

Blanca and me saying good-bye. My camera was dying, but I managed a picture with my friend!! I miss them already, but she and I text message regularly!

Tim has been in school this semester, and I begin my classes on October 1st. It will be tough, but I really want to finish my degree and begin teaching when all of the kids are in school. It would be great if they could be at my school.

Tim just came in, so I will post more later!

Thursday Thirteen and other updates

2008-08-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

We are taking the kids camping on Friday! This is our first time camping as parents. I am very excited, but also nervous. There are black bears AND cougars here, and who knows what else? We have not been camping in years, because I was breast feeding and the juggling small children. I wasn't ready for the craziness of it all! Now, the kids are 3, 4, and 5, and we are going to do a trial night. This is the only time we can do it. Soccer games begin next weekend, and then it will be too cold after that is over. So, for one night, Friday night, we will be camping on the Nisqually River with the whole family. Tim and Connor bought out big tent last night! We set it up in the dining room to make sure we could do it quickly. Then, everyone piled in, just in time to get out and get into bed. So, then we stripped it back down and got it all back in the bag! On the first try! Luckily, it is easy to fold back up!
The kids started soccer this week. Connor is on his second year, and the girls are playing for the first time-on the same team!
The girls are going to also taking gymnastics. They love it!! (I took for years, and LOVED IT!!) And Connor is in Karate. He wants to try to get his yellow belt. He brought a flyer home from practice about getting it.
Tim is in school this semester, and I am starting online college in October-if I pass the entrance exam-to finally finish my degree, and begin teaching when the kids are all in school. I found a completely online university that has a teaching program. That means I don't have to get day-care, and they even set up my student teaching at local schools, so I can do my demonstrative teaching, etc. It is a lot more costly than, say, University of Phoenix, but they don't offer the teaching program. Most places do not. And the terms are 6 months instead of 3 months, and it is a flat rate tuition, which means that I can take as many or as little classes as I need to at one time.
After they looked over my transcripts, they emailed me my review, and out of the classes that I had already completed years ago, I have a year and a half of courses that they accept for transfer, without my having to take them over. I am very happy about that! They do not accept any core classes transferred, only gen ed, which is MOSTLY what I had completed. I had only taken one, two, MAYBE three core classes. I don't remember exactly. And there are a few that did not transfer, but overall, I am satisfied.
Connor has now lost his two bottom front teeth! His new teeth basically pushed the baby teeth out. He starts Kindergarten next Wednesday, so he will be cool with the no teeth look for school!! And Katelyn starts Preschool on the 15th! Both her and Connor's schools are half day, but at least they will get to go! They are excited! And I have them going at different times, so there can be two kids at home at a time!! That will be nice for me :)

1. I love Washington!
2. It is chilly at the end of August and we take jackets with us just in case the temp drops
3. Camping is going to be challenging with three small children
4. I can't wait to graduate..one day!
5. I have not been to the gym in two weeks
6. I could be getting dressed for the gym instead of typing
7. I love having Tim home in the mornings, because he is in school instead of working
8. Why does the school Connor is going to only have half day Kindergarten??
9. Is Connor going to do well only going to school for two hours/ day?
10. I hope Connor is nicer on the field at practice today. He was so rough on Tuesday. I was embarrassed.
11. We have mastered the bedtime routine and time for all three kids! It only took this long, lol, but it was very hard getting the all down before. Now they are all kind of on the same level, and it is working!
12. I miss nap times
13. I am going to try to blog more often. I always want to, but do not have time anymore. I am studying for the entrance exam!

Not sure if I posted this before

2008-07-20T09:06:00.000-07:00

I found this months ago, after watching it on tv. I was digging it up for Tim, and decided to post it here. I am not sure if I had already posted it, but that is okay!

Drilling for oil.

2008-07-17T19:31:00.000-07:00

I have had differing opinions on the question of drilling for oil in our own country. As far as America tapping our own resources. I was for it, because I figured, it was dumb NOT to, because we are paying other people crazy prices for theirs. Then I was against it, because, well, I think we should speed up the search for alternative fuel sources, and drilling will make the search slower. Plus, I do believe we need to make better use of carpooling, and buy more eco-friendly vehicles, or...gulp....move to an area close to our job, and gulp again...walk or bike! Society will be going back to actual communities in my utopia. The kind where you do not have to drive 20 minutes to reach most of your destinations. You can walk to market, to school, and to the park.

My vision today came while I was in the bathroom, as most of them do :)
Many many Americans are pushing for us to drill and support our economy with our own fossil fuels. My question is, will the money hungry Middle East then come here and take back their business? Will that be the straw that broke the camel's back? WW3? I can see it. If we drill here, they lose big bucks, Bush and his family will not be in office anymore, so the dirty deals they do will not be as powerful, as far as Presidential authority goes. I support Obama. I know he is against the drilling, McCain is for it. And I know that if Obama wins, the system of checks and balances can still pass the bill to drill, unless he veto's, but it could be overturned, right? I am not current on my branches of office's ways anymore, so I am not sure. But, the people might really make the drilling a reality. Then what? So, we stop getting raped by the oil barons over in the middle east, and Bush? So, they get mad, because they are losing money? Does that then lead to the collapse of America that we all know is going to happen? Sooner than later?
Not that it is a really bad thing altogether. I figure the country will be a socialist country in the next few years. But who can blame it? Because of capitalism, we have the ability to make millions, billions of dollars, but as money comes in, people get greedy, and the wealth stays with the rich and well to do, and there are people working three jobs two streets over, with no insurance and 6 children, oh, and no daddy, either.
So, I do hope that Obama wins. Number 1 reason, to set a fine example to our back brothers and sisters alike, that there is no glass ceiling anymore. Black men can achieve their dreams here, in this country and the world. Every time I see him and his family on tv, I feel inspired, he seems to have the hidden hand on him. Like the anointed one. He inspires me. And Michelle inspires me. And every time I hear negative things about him, it makes me more inspired, because the negative said thing is normally ignorant or a bigoted remark. I feel McCain has way too many chips on his shoulder. He has been a great person, and has left a great mark in history and legacy for his family, but I do not believe he will do good for the country, and ultimately for the world stage. He is not BAD, I just do not believe he brings new ways of doing things to the table. It is time to move on.

I usually blog about family matters, and I have not been writing lately. I have so much here going on. I just felt the need to take a time out to get this down. Maybe someone wanted to read some boring blog today!

Ocean Shores, WA

2008-06-23T06:44:00.000-07:00

There are a few perks to being in the military family. When the guys are not deployed, or are not training for weeks away from home, they get quite a few days off, and quite a bit of family times. Not to mention the family events the post puts on for free or minimal cost to us. Well, this morning, I am getting the family ready to leave for Ocean Shores. The Army is having a 3 day "retreat" for the families. There will be kids activities and Tim and I can spend time alone! The meals are supposed to be provided as well. It should be a lot of fun!! I tell you, it is so nice to have my family back together! He brought me flowers again last night! That is the fourth time since I moved back here that I have gotten flowers! I think he missed me! He loves the house, too. We bought the kids a trampoline a week or two ago, then, for Father's Day, we got him an LCD 42" tv. He is so happy. Tim loves movies, so having a big tv for his favorite thing is great! And it has the feature that you can change the look of the picture to Cinema style viewing, or sports, games, etc. Of course, he is already saying, "I should have gone with the 50 inch, shouldn't I have?". I told him he did a great job, and not have any doubts about the final decision. We don't want to get in debt.
Ok, my hair is so dirty, and I have to take a shower before the kids wake up. Tim JUST told me I have to be somewhere in an hour and a half!! Aghh! I will post more later! I promise I will try to write more. I have a Facebook now, and tend to just browse that and read Wikipedia or Google stuff when I get online, and never have time left over to blog! I will get my groove back soon!!

ps.. my mentor told me last week via email that 'the enemy' has temporarily blinded me to the truth about my Spiritual life, and I am off the righteous path. This woman is the next Beth Moore. She teaches thousands of godly women, and I have loved her for years. God put me in very particular place as a child, and I met many people who are very influencial. To have them love me, and then have them tell me I am wrong now, well, I know I am not all-right, but I am not all-wrong, either. And I feel a bit sad. I hope she reads my reply and understands I have not been blinded, but have opened up to a deeper, broader truth.

Terrific Tuesday!

2008-06-17T12:01:00.001-07:00

This is a picture from the Redeployment ceremony:

This was after he showered and got into some normal clothes, and the kids and him were so happy to be back together again!

It is so sweet to have our family back together :)

It has been a week since Tim got home. We have had a really busy, but really nice week. We bought the kids a trampoline, and him a big flat screen tv. He has been going to the gym with me, too. It is great, because he is even getting me to push myself there, I have always wanted to be able to run, but couild not ever, because my lungs feel like they will collapse. So, we began my training last night. I am very excited about it. I am doing a Mud Run on July 4th, and need to be able to do more of the running. My home is mostly done as far as decorating. It took a lot to get it done in three weeks, but I did it!! Here are two pictures:

Part of the living Room:

The Girls' room:

The Big Day!!

2008-06-10T09:47:00.000-07:00

I am about to take the kids to childcare, then go to the ceremony, and take home my husband!!! I am so excited! I haven't written is so long. I have been moving in the new house, and decorating. It has been a full time job. I will write more later!! I am so excited!!
I wish it were nicer weather, though, because the dress I bought was a sundress, and had spaghetti straps, and it is chilly and rainy today, so I changed the outfit. Still a dress, but sleeveless, instead of spaghetti straps.
I am off to finish getting dressed and get my lover back!!

Made it to Washington!

2008-05-13T11:23:00.003-07:00

We made it. I drove 4 days instead of 5. I am never one to take that long. I drove the way home last time in 3. I just didn't want to keep the kids kooped up another day. We are living in what is called an Inn, but it would more appropriately be labeled a whore house, roach motel, or what ever you may decided to rename it, lol. I feel dirty just sleeping here. BUT it is cheap.
I have been signing papers and having to do boring stuff, and have to go do some more, but I wanted to update here. The kids are beginning to act out now that we are here and not having a house. It is no fun, that is for sure. My nerves, that did so well these last few weeks are beginning to crack a little! They are getting very anxious about daddy coming home, and all the changes and it is hard on one child, not to mention 3 on me at one time. I got them signed up for childcare at my gym, and went to work out yesterday. It was great. They played with toys and other kids. I will be there daily for a while. For all of our sanity's sake! I will write more later. They need to get dressed, and I do too.

Music Fest and Moving Day

2008-05-04T11:46:00.003-07:00

I am about to walk out the door to start my journey towards Music Fest! I am looking forward to the afternoon and night. I am moving Tuesday morning, and this is my day to de-stress for a minute, or at least take my focus of boxes and packing. I hope the weather stays nice, but you never know. I have to drop the kids off with my mother in law, then meet up with a couple of my friends.
So, Tuesday, we will be driving back to Washington state! LONGGGG drive, but I have made every effort to keep the ride as comfortable as possible for all of us. Movies and music are ready. I have lined up hotels on our path that all have indoors pools, and two of them have water parks!! The last night we are staying in a Crayola Kids themed room! I don't know if I already posted this info. I haven't blogged in a few days. I will post pictures later of our tour of the country. I don't have the motivation to get my camera out right now. Luckily, my friend is bringing hers downtown tonight. I'm usually that girl, but I am too exhausted to think about it right now!!

Happy Earth Day!

2008-04-22T09:51:00.004-07:00

So it is Earth Day today. I hope you have made an effort to do something nice for the world already this year, and if not, today is a great reminder. We all have a responsibility to keep the earth clean. Everytime you go somewhere, why not pick up a little trash? It is everywhere. I think everytime we see trash, it is a test. To see how we act in private is an ultimate test. Do we thin, "I din't make the mess, why should I clean it up?", or do we take a little initiative and clean it up, simply to make the place a little brighter simply because you passed through there. Even while I am at the gas station, I clean up around the area I am pumping. It will build your Karma, too, which is always nice :)

Yesterday's Outing

2008-04-19T07:59:00.006-07:00

RAINY MEMPHIS DAY:

We went to see the "Under The Sea' performance. BUT, it was a TRAGEDY!! Ariel DIED!! It ended as Eric and his new wife, a princess from another family, were in their bed asleep, and Ariel jump off the balcony and died. The final scene was her floating up in mid-air as a sort of ghost/angel! Then the curtain dropped!! I was like..Uh....Kids, I'm sorry. It was shocking! But it was still good! At least the prince had a happy ending, lol. I guess the moral is if you are a mermaid, don't sell your soul to a sea witch to try to get a human to fall in love with you. Marry the Mer-Prince.

KATELYN TOOK THIS ONE OF ME:
Afterward, I called Christy to see what she had decided to do on her day off, and she just so happened to be downtown with Carson, and Tiffany and Caleb, so we all met at BigFoot Lodge. Katelyn has taken a liking to photography, and snapped this one of Christy and Carson:

Ballet Memphis

2008-04-18T05:58:00.003-07:00

We are going this morning to the homeschool group viewing of the Ballet Memphis performance of 'Under the Sea'. I am leaving Hope with my parents, which makes me sad, but she would not be able to sit still that long, plus, I am going alone with the kids, and can't juggle the three as well, since Hope is still two. I am leaving now, but I will post an update...if I remember!!

Thursday Thirteen

2008-04-17T04:59:00.003-07:00

Good Morning!
Today we will be having a yard sale. I wanted to do a Thursday Thirteen first! Just some thoughts to get out today.

1. If I feel that what I am doing is right, after weighing all options, and after considering the effects it has on those around me, I will keep going. God comes before all men.

2. Life is rich. If I am in darkness, I can look around and see that the things I think are holding me down, and actually there to bring me light. Perspective is everything.

3. In reference to number 2, I create my own reality, whether it is good or bad, positive or negative.

4. The 'bad' things grind us down to becomming better ouselves.

5. As I get ready to move I am eating more. I am going to stop doing that, and go for a rum-I did yesterday!

6. I have now lost 60 pounds since last summer, and about 10 pants sizes!!

7. Education, Education, Education

8. Breathing is an excerice that takes practice, but when learned and mastered, can help you overcome anything.

9. I hope it doesn't rain this weekend. I want to go clean up the Wolf River area.

10. Friends really are family we choose

11. Some relationships are toxic, and do not need to stay in your life.

12. Learning to burn Karmic ribbons is one of the best things I have learned in this life.

13. It is fun to see where this life is leading me.

Moving

2008-04-16T05:49:00.002-07:00

I have spent the last two months slowly getting ready for the big move back to Washington. Well, now the time is getting close! I leave May 6th. We will be having a yard sale this week to make some cash and get rid of some extra things. I hope we make a little money. I have spent hundreds of dollars on fixing my car and dental procedures this and last month!
Also, I have not been bloggin much because I opened another Myspace, to get in touch with my friends on there before I leave. However, my husband still hates the Myspace, and wants it shut down again! Sooo, I will be back on here. I have to write. Maybe I won't blog forever, but it has been great for me for the last few years. And, I have decided to use my blog site to display my causes and things that are most important to me. So, you will be seeing different banners and things on here now. I can merge the way I use Myspace and this site into one.

Namasté

You Tube Video from angry Christians spreading fear

2008-04-06T17:30:00.002-07:00

I just have to post this video! I guess I am in the Church of Oprah, lol. It truly burdens me to hear and watch so many 'lost' people get scared of hearing and seeing us live the very thing we have been saying to do, based on the Bible. Jesus was part of the Church of Oprah, too. Who says we must call 'God, God'? God is whatever you think he/she/it is. And the God I serve, and live for is not the God of fear. If we are to fear nothing, then, why is the Christian church up in arms? Is this new Church mindset hurting anyone? Do you see the fruits of the spirit we preach about coming to fruition? Because I know I do. Crime will go down, poverty will be gone, change of habits, such as eating and excercising is going to lead to less sickness and disease. Stop with the fear, and push through it. Study things and come to your conclusions. Don't take one video and come to a conclusion that the way is wrong. 'Seek and Ye Shall find'. Just ask and it will be revealed. The truth is there. Ask 'the father'. You will come to it. If you are truly seeking.

Daily Commitments to Live By

2008-04-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

Gandhi and King: A Season for Non Violence

Daily Commitments to Live By
1. Today, I will reflect on what peace means to me.
2. Today, I will look at opportunities to be a peacemaker.
3. Today, I will practice nonviolence and respect for Mother Earth by making good use of her resources.
4. Today, I will take time to admire and appreciate nature.
5. Today, I will plant seeds, plants or constructive ideas.
6. Today, I will hold a vision of plenty for all the world’s hungry and be open to guidance as to how I can help alleviate some of the hunger.
7. Today, I will acknowledge every human being's fundamental right to justice, equity, and equality.
8. Today, I will appreciate the earth’s bounty and all of those who work to make my food available (i.e., grower, trucker, grocery clerk, cook, waitress, etc.)
9.Today, I will work to understand and respect another culture.
10. Today, I will oppose injustice, not people.
11. Today, I will look beyond stereotypes and prejudices.
12. Today, I will choose to be aware of what I talk about and I will refuse to gossip.
13. Today, I will live in the present moment and release the past.
14. Today, I will speak with kindness, respect, and patience to every person that I talk with on the telephone.
16. Today, I will affirm my value and worth with positive "self talk" and refuse to put myself down.
17. Today, I will tell the truth and speak honestly from the heart.
18. Today, I will cause a ripple effect of good by an act of kindness toward another.
19. Today, I will choose to use my talents to serve others by volunteering a portion of my time.
20. Today, I will say a blessing for greater understanding whenever I see evidence of crime, vandalism or graffiti.
21. Today, I will say "No" to ideas or actions that violate me or others.
22. Today, I will turn off anything that portrays or supports violence whether on television, in the movies, or on the Internet.
23. Today, I will greet this day-everyone and everything-with openness and acceptance as if I was encountering them for the first time.
24. Today, I will drive with tolerance and patience.
25. Today, I will constructively channel my anger, frustration or jealousy into healthy physical activities (i.e., doing sit ups, picking up trash, taking a walk, etc.)
26. Today, I will take time to appreciate the people who provide me with challenges in my life, especially those who make me angry or frustrated.
27. Today, I will talk less and listen more.
28. Today, I will notice the peacefulness in the world around me.
29. Today, I will recognize that my actions directly affect others.
30. Today, I will take time to tell a family member of friend how much they mean to me.
31. Today, I will acknowledge and thank someone for acting kindly.
32. Today, I will send a kind, anonymous message to someone.
33. Today, I will identify something special in everyone I meet.
34. Today, I will discuss ideas about nonviolence with a friend to gain new perspectives.
35. Today, I will practice praise rather than criticism
36. Today, I will strive to learn from my mistakes.
37. Today, I will tell at least one person they are special and important.
38. Today, I will hold children tenderly in thought and/or action.
39, Today, I will listen without defending and speak without judgment.
40. Today, I will help someone in trouble.
41. Today, I will listen with an open heart to at least one person.
42. Today, I will treat the elderly I encounter with respect and dignity.
43. Today, I will treat the children I encounter with respect and care, knowing that I serve as a model to them.
44. Today, I will see my co-workers in a new light—with understanding and compassion.
45. Today, I will be open to other ways of thinking and acting that are different from my own.
46. Today, I will think of at least three alternate ways I can handle a situation when confronted with conflict.
47. Today, I will work to help others resolve differences.
48. Today, I will express my feeling honestly and nonviolently with respect for myself and others.
49. Today, I will sit down with my family for one meal.
50. Today, I will set an example of a peacemaker by promoting nonviolent responses.
51. Today, I will use no violent language.
52. Today, I will pause for reflection.
53. Today, I will hold no one hostage to the past, seeing each-as I see myself-as a work in process.
54. Today, I will make a conscious effort to smile at someone whom I have held a grudge against in the past.
55. Today, I will practice compassion and forgiveness by apologizing to someone whom I have hurt in the past.
56. Today, I will reflect on whom I need to forgive and take at least one step in that direction.
57. Today, I will forgive myself.
58. Today, I will embrace the spiritual belief of my heart in my own personal and reflective way.
59. Today, I will enlarge my capacity to embrace difference and appreciate the value of every human being.
60. Today, I will be compassionate in my thoughts, words, and actions.
61. Today, I will cultivate my moral strength and courage through education and creative nonviolent action.
62. Today, I will practice compassion and forgiveness for myself and others.
63. Today, I will use my talents to serve others as well as myself.
64. Today, I will serve humanity by dedicating myself to a vision greater than myself.

40 years later

2008-04-04T19:47:00.004-07:00

I took the kids down to the Lorraine Motel today. I wanted to make a statement with our presence, that King's dream has come true, and I was there, along with my kids, and even my mom joined us, to show the media, people of Memphis, and my kids, that we are living as one people. I am very hopeful for the future of Memphis now. I know that no matter what negative voices say, all people have the same hopes and dreams, just different backgrounds to work through. The King may have died, but the queens can rise up and carry the torch until everyone is full of light. Here are some pictures. Hillary was there, and was interviewed by NBC's Brian Williams. I was actually in the background of the video on the nightly news tonight, but it was only available on the webpage video. Me in front of the secret service car, and Hillary and NBC is behind me in the media tent:And I got some pics of Monique outside of the motel, and I was in front of A. C. Wharton at the Peabody Place Starbucks. My mom introduced us, and he said he knew my dad, and what he does, etc. It was a very interesting day. We weathered a mega flash flood just to get down there and make our stand! It let up as we got there! My car broke down, and is still in the shop there, so we hiked 3 miles or more to our final destination. It was well worth it.

While waiting on the repair shops prognosis of my car, we picniced in the Domino's Pizza Carry Out Entry Way-It was pouring and the nice man even gave us plates and napkins :)

Moving Day coming soon

2008-03-29T12:17:00.002-07:00

I can't believe my husband has been gone almost a year. Next week will make it a full 12 months of deployment. I am waiting for the phone call that tells me I have a place to move into back in Washington. Meanwhile, I have a house full of stuff to sell and/or get rid of. Preferably sell, so I can have a little money in my pocket for the trip home. I am so excited to get to have my husband home. The kids are very excited, too. I have already had Connor's Kindergarten physical done for the fall semester, and have done a lot of dental and doctor's appointments for all of us so we will not have to rush around when we move. I am going to miss having my friends and family around all of the time, but I Will be thrilled to be back there, and get involved with the kids sports and family things again, esp now that the kids are getting older!! It is getting better! No more diapers, or nursing, or nap times!! Well, I WISH naps were still on the agenda, but the kids don't usually cooperate. Water sports are calling our names already. I am trying to find things to do for the summer when we get there.
Tonight's agenda: Redneck throw down with people of Shelby Forest :)
I don't know what to wear, because I seem to have never found the time to buy any camo, lol. It is a big game dinner, and I asked my mom if I can wear a "go vegan' tee, haha. Not really. I might end up being asked to leave, lol. It should be interesting.
And, as far as the campaign for president. Why is not one person still running against McCain? And can we have Obama as his VP is McCain wins? Because I really like Obama, but I am not really sure anyone will win against McCain. The older people are going to vote McCain in. Maybe Obama will run again, since he is so young. He is just a wee bit premature with his message. I believe in his message, but there are far too many people alive today that are not ready for it. Kind of like so many older adults wouldn't use banks, or credit cards. It will take at least another 4 years for the majority of voters to come to that consciousness.
I am interested to see what will be happening in these next 4 years, you know, as far as the whole 2012 aspect. Have not personally figured it out yet, but I think a little about it daily. There will be more awakenings coming. Very exciting stuff!

Thursday Thirteen

2008-03-13T09:53:00.003-07:00

Here goes another one!

1. Life is great
2. I am too excited to think because I am moving back to Seattle!!
3. I have NO more weight to lose ;)
4. Now I have to tone it
5. The kids are awesome and getting so big
6. My future is brighter than ever
7. I am through the depression of the past-about damn time, too
8. Living in the light is so much better
9. Friends are forever
10. Karma is real, I don't care what you say
11. Why can't Memphis be this nice all year?
12. Photoshoots are calling my name
13. I got my hair did yesterday!!!!!

Thankful

2008-03-13T09:32:00.002-07:00

I had put this page on private and not touched it for a while now. I had my hair done yesterday, and we were talking, and I just felt the love from the ladies in there. They had been reading my blogs, and knew about everything I was questioning. I wanted to say thank you to everyone who reads this. For letting me get down into the dirt of things and figure things out. I needed to get away from everything and figure out why things weren't working for me. I have a little different view of things than I did last year, and the last part of my life, but I am still me. I am still the same person you are friends with. I had to 'be still, and know' some things. My mega involvement in church did not allow me to do this. I was too busy to think, or do anything right. I am so refreshed and ready to face the world with new perspectives on things. I do want to come back to church, simply to be with the people I love, and people that are of the same mind, as far as coming together. There really is no other place like that. It doesn't matter where you go, but if you find a place that loves on you, and that shares in the activities that you are called to, then by all means, go! I love the people at Faith, and would love to be around them these last few weeks I am here in town. I also might go visit Hope Pres with Christy, my friend who did my hair. Like I said, my mentality on some of the teachings is different now, but that doesn't really matter. What matters is where my heart is, and it is in the right place :)

Debt?

2008-02-27T11:33:00.001-08:00

What debt? Yay! We are out of debt :)

And now, may the real work begin

Expelled-Coming in the Spring

2008-02-20T12:01:00.001-08:00

I don't have the code for the video yet, but this will be great!!

http://www.expelledthemovie.com/video.php

click on "Super Trailer"

I will write more later.
I MAY turn comments back on soon, as well.

Love y'all

I keep coming up Bree, how can that be?

2008-01-13T20:26:00.001-08:00

Ok, so my guilty pleasure is Desperate Housewives. I love the show. NOT that I get to watch it when it actually comes on. I love love love the fact that full episodes are now online! The mother's best friend! So I watch it after kids go to bed, usually Monday or Tuesday nights. I am not even sure it came on tonight, though. I have taken the 'which housewife are you?' quiz twice now. Once about a year ago, and the second time, about 4 minutes ago. I keep coming up as Bree. Now, how is this possible when I cannot seem to get a handle on my children? Yes, yes, the house looks great, the kids are fed, my husband is happy, but my, oh, my, what do I do about my kids? I have a very difficult 'leader of the pack' trying to run the show. Meanwhile making his siblings not even want to be around him. Let's just say today was hard, as was yesterday, and the day before that, and you know what? Pretty much, the last, mm, almost 5 years. I love him so much, that my heart could bust out of my chest sometimes. I am just having a hard time. I mean, I want him to be likable. He is likable, it is just when he isn't being likable, that is the problem. His meltdowns have been getting bad again, Are they connected to Tim being gone? Who's to say? Because they did not start in the last year. They have been since he was newborn. My mind goes back to endless nights with him, at our home in Memphis. I remember thinking, 'I don't think babies are supposed to be THIS hard'. I have had a lot of prior experience around babies and children in general. For years I babysat, was the oldest of 3, and taught children and babies at church. But this child, dear friends, was not like any I had ever dealt with.
So, here I am. I have three wonderful children. The eldest of which is a born leader, determined to lead the other 2 in the direction HE chooses, and not what old mommy is there talking about. I am so tired, I really am.
So, after two years of getting him seen for adhd, we are again on a new road, with new doctors, and when we go in again this week, I will bring up a different thought. I had heard of it before, but never researched it, It is called ODD. And when I looked it up, I literally started to cry. I do think this may be our answer. It is Oppositional defiant disorder. And many that have this are boys, and also, many have it along with ADHD, and that is what makes it doubly hard, and tiring. Soo, I will mention this to the doctor Thursday. It is where the child simply defies adults, and does whatever they want, regardless. I never thought this kind of action could happen, but I witnessed it. Back in WA, I was at a friend's house while our hubby's were in the field for 3 wks training. Another wife's husband came in from his job, to get her, and their child, Well, he noticed my 3 yr old son not listening to a word I was saying, and doing what he wanted. The 6 ft something soldier IN UNIFORM gets down in his face and helps me out by telling him what to do, and my son doesn't even bat an eye. Wow. This is one defiant child. So, I need help. I feel like I am getting sick. I need to be well for all the kids, and not have all energies on one defiant child. And I need to stay well to get back to my husband soon.
I have so much more to write, but I really need to go to bed. I am working a little this week
Oh, I am tired..

Thursday Thirteen Time

2008-01-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

Ok, it is bedtime, and I find myself trying to think up 13 things to write about. Harder than you think, actually. I was going to copy my friend, Jessica Babb and write all 13 about one child for 3 weeks, but I am not really in the mood for that. I have been cleaning my parents house allllll day, with a doctor's appointment in the middle of the day being my only break. They have been in the Bahamas all week, and will be home tomorrow night, and I thought it would be nice to come home to a spotless house, well, at least a spotless downstairs. I mean, come on, there are about 18 rooms in their house, not including closets and halls. There is only so much a mom with her 3 kids in tow can do!! BUT I have gotten a great handle on it. I guess, on that note, I will list what I have done to it, plus maybe some other things to fill up the numbers. I'm Sanguine, I need to get the words out, even if I have to think really hard. I really might explode if I do not.

1. I made her sink shine (thank you fly lady)
2. I gutted and re-organized the downstairs laundry room
3. While in that laundry room, I discovered a box FULL of socks not matched with mates. I dumped it all out, and matched about 30 pair. I should wrap them up and give them to my parents as a gift tomorrow! And I found some socks of my kids that have been missing since about August.
4. I Spic and Spanned the entire spans of the living room.
5. I Pine-Sol'd the entire kitchen tiles, then, with a toothbrush, got down and cleaned all the grout lines. The kids all pitched in. We love to clean our floors!
6. Watered all the plants in the 'keeping room'
7. Cleaned up approx 2.5 pee accidents while cleaning
8. Cleaned one of the bathrooms downstairs. The one with the most traffic. Smells much better now, ahhh.
9. Laundered small area rugs, and one of my kids even walked into the kitchen and asked if we got a new rug. I said, no, I just washed it, lol
10. washed walls and base-boards
11. drank coffee
12. Fixed meals
13. Checked my email

So, that has been my life the last week, between church, classes, lessons, appointments, and tub time and bedtime. I am so tired, but I really just want to take a bath, without any kids coming in to join me, then sit up and watch Conan. He is so much funnier without writers!!! But I love him either way, so I am not very objective.
I am teetering on the McCain/Huckabee line. Who do I like better?? Maybe they can go together, if one of them wins the nomination! That would be a great ticket!

C'mon Huck

2008-01-08T17:33:00.000-08:00

Hope is upset Huckabee is not number 1 in New Hampshire, too

Why? It is all those independant's fault. They want McCain.

Don't fret, it'll be ok, once they come south, mommy...

So, the NH polls are coming to a close. And I am sad to say Huck did not come in on top in this state, but I am not surprised. Consider the state. And on the same day I received my t-shirt "Huckabee Rock". That's aight, though.
I went to a Power-Packed Tuesday this morning at Bellevue. My mentor, Jean Stockdale was the speaker, then we went to break away groups and heard a different speaker. The lecture today was on People-How can I live with them? I think that was the title. I tell you, Ms Jean cracks me up! Then I went to a seminar on dealing with difficult people. Very good talk as well, by Mrs. Phil Weatherwax. Most of the ladies my age went to a seminar on understanding and living with their husbands. But I would have to be living with my husband right now to benefit from that one, lol. No, but truthfully, we have a beautiful marriage, and I didn't want to hear things I have heard in countless other seminars, on the marriage subject, and decided on the one about difficult people. You know, so I can tell my friend how to deal with those types of people....
Connor started violin yesterday. He loved his lesson. He told me when we were home later, "My teacher says I'm a crow"!! I said, you mean, she said you are a pro? "Yeah!" Oh, I love these little slips. THey are one of my greatest joys ever!!

There were thunderstorms galore today after we got home from church.

I just wanted a hot bath, and I couldn't because of all the lighting. So, I took advantage of the scary weather, and taught the kids about tornado drills, where we would take cover, staying away from windows, and even gave them my best rendition of the sound the siren would make, should the fire station down the road have to alert us to take cover! They got so excited. I had to run to the bathroom, and in runs Connor, telling me "I just heard on the news that there is a tornado near Memphis" (it was in Arkansas). He also was worried about our family in Arkansas, which was cute! Then, we were expecting a family from our church to stop by at 6:00. By the time they showed up, the kids were soooo wound up and ready to show off in any way they could. And that included, but is not limited to: riding the toddler trike around the circular parts of the house, playing the piano very loudly, getting a tape measure out and measuring everything in the living room, sitting on a sofa table, and, hmmm....oh, and throwing balls around the house. Anyway, they came and went, and we went on. I have to get them in bed soon, sooo... I'm out!

Ahhh, relax, grab a cup of coffee-> who cares if it's midnight? and enjoy these:

2008-01-06T17:58:00.000-08:00

This is great, but add one more little one in the fun mix for my life story :)

Fun

2008-01-05T10:40:00.000-08:00

We went to the Children's Museum yesterday. It is so huge, I didn't realize how large it is, and next time, we will take a whole day. Plus, I will try to get another adult to go with me. Connor wanted to do his own thing, and the girls were interested in other things. They had a blast though. And they gave us a military discount. It took $2 off the entire cost, which is better than nothing. I will look into getting a Seattle Children's Museum family pass. It is really worth the money.

Hope and Connor towards the front of the shot, Katelyn in the back, wearing all pink. Fishing on the mock Mississippi River:

All the kids in the cockpit:

Handy Manny ain't got NOTHIN on Handy Hopey:

Connor and his new friends learning to fight fires:

So glad that they chose to get in the front seats:

So, we spent about 2 1/2 hours there, but needed at least 5. But I would bet the one in Seattle is far better than the one here in Memphis. The weirdest thing about these places, is the strong tension among all the mommies with their kids. It's like a fight to let your kids have the fun. I am sure you know what I mean. Anyplace where you have hovering mothers with their spoiled children, you run into this. I think the area we were in had a lot to do with it, as it is in the Chickasaw Gardens neighborhood. The mothers were probably all pampered, Junior League, old money ladies, with nothing better to do than go buy a $200 hand sewn outfit for their preschooler, and one for themselves, get all fixed up, and take them to the Children's Museum. I'm just saying'. lol.

But we had a great time! I wish I had more pictures, but I was running around playin'.

On a different note. My verse for this week:

Hebrews 11:6

"Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Because anyone who comes to know Him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him."

I would have to say, if you are looking for a great Bible Study, besides reading it by yourself, I HIGHLY recommend the Experiencing God study. I linked the site there, if you want to order it. It has been the single most life-changing study I have ever done. And this is my 3rd time through. My husband is also going through it, though we are not able to discuss it much together. My mother has done it, and also my sister is doing it. If you want to know God as you have never known Him, understood Him, or even thought about Him, I would tell you to buy this and do it everyday. It takes between 10-20 minutes each day.

I Like Mike

2008-01-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Just wanted to add that I am supporting Mike Huckabee in the 2008 Presidential Race! And I am so happy that he won the Republican Caucus!!!

ps, I am waiting on my t-shirt, shown here:

Don't be jealous. Go to www.mikehuckabee.com and order one!! They come in many colors. This one is Violet.

And I love the fact that Chuck Norris is supporting him! I think it is hilarious! There are 'Chuck for Huck' gear, stickers, bags, shirts, etc, too! And the one I bought, says "Huckabee Rock". If you didn't know, he plays bass guitar, and actually plays in a band called CAPITAL OFFENSE". That is so awesome. Here is the man in action:

Thursday Thirteen - #4

2008-01-03T19:30:00.000-08:00

I totally forgot what day of the week it was, because there is absolutely nothing going on in my life. So, here goes:

1. My verse for the week: John 5:19 Jesus gave them this answer: "I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.

2. My chest feels like it is tied up in knots

3. This has GOT to be the most bored anyone has ever been

4. Why are 5 year old boys sooooo annoying??

5. My 4 year old daughter now thinks she is 2, and rides her sister's trike ALL over the house, meanwhile ramming people in the back of their ankles.

6. If you didn't know, being an Army wife and living out of state, away from the base, stinks, because NOONE tells you anything!! And I mean NETMA (Bellevue folk's will get a good chuckle on that one :) )

7. I am glad that I have lost a lot of weight, now can people stop talking about it?? Thanks.

8. Next week, I shall be in better spirits. This too, shall pass.

9. Our pond is frozen over, and it is taking a LOT of convincing the kids that they can't go ice skating, we live in the south.

10. It will be warm this weekend and we can go swimming in it, then lol

11. I am going to try harder this year than I ever have before to stick to a budget.

12. If I leave the house, I will spend money.

13. We are going to the Children's Museum tomorrow(It's in the budget)

Happy New Year

2008-01-02T12:36:00.000-08:00

I have a lot to be thankful for at the beginning of this new year. I am trying very hard to stay in high spirits. Therefore, I am focusing on the positives, because they far outweigh the negatives in my life.

I met my weight loss goal for the end of 2007! Who woulda thought??

I have three wonderful children

I do not have to work outside of the home

I have extremely generous parents

I have a wonderful husband who works very hard.

I have reliable transportation

I have enough of all necessities

I have Jesus in my heart

I have a wonderful church

I have so many extra things that many people do not have.

And there are countless other things that I could list. The one thing I do not have is my wonderful husband here with us. That is a huge thing. I am in the process of getting housing arrangements taken care of back in WA. That is turning out to be more of a challenge that I had expected. I have about 5 months to take care of all of it. It will all be ok, but I am so ready to have Tim back. And now that they are going to a more dangerous place, my prayers are going out stronger than ever. I can't wait for the day we are back in our own home, together. I could go to sleep now and wake up and it be here. That would be awesome!! There have been hard times of loneliness during this deployment, but none as hard as now. At least we are on the end of it. It has been 9 months now. The agony that is trying its best to creep into my soul is very real, and I am clinging to Jesus right now, more than ever. He is my joy and contentment right now. This week is especially hard, because the weather is frigid, there is nothing to do, and everything starts next week. In the meantime, I have 3 energetic children in the house, catching cabin fever with their mommy. I am trying to keep them busy. We tried to go to the playground yesterday, but the wind DID NOT cooperate, so we ate our picnic lunch in the car, then snuck into McDonald's to play indoors for an hour. What else can I do? If only the wind would die down a little outside, it would be fine. Next week, we will be back into classes, etc. Dance starts back in another week, and Connor's music lessons begin next Monday. Oh, but the waiting period, to quote Katelyn, "Waiting's Boring". I will write more later. I am not even in a writing mood, but felt like getting this out!

Contempt

2007-12-29T19:14:00.001-08:00

I think that is the word I am looking for here. CONTEMPT.
Sometimes, I blog to vent. This would be one of those times. I am the oldest of three kids. I had it pretty hard from my dad. Now, I know, the oldest always gets the brunt of it from the new parents, but I am gnashing my teeth right now. I have the privilege of living with my parents while Tim is gone. Meanwhile, my youngest sibling, my teenage brother, still lives at home. He is definitely the 'baby'. I had a guy in my room 'once' in my living at home years, That was IT. I got in trouble for it, life went on. It was not allowed in my parents house- now, we weren't doing anything! There was just a guy, along with another girl and guy, in my room with the door shut!! And that was it. No more boys upstairs. Fast forward to the present. The family wakes up to a note from my teenage brother informing us that his girlfriend and another girl are asleep in his room. Um....whhhhatt?? And him and her coming and going as they wish, no worries. "He can't afford his own place." Um...whhat? I couldn't very well either at 18, but my parents told me if I wanted to live by my own rules, I needed to get my own place, and I did. I moved out, had a roommate, and worked. Now, he won't be going to any university, he will be working. So, what is their holdup?? Has my dad literally stopped parenting altogether, and completely moved into cyberspace?? I am just sayin'. I was awoken to giggles at 3:30 this morning, went in the hall, and my brother's door was shut, no lights, and guess who?? Him and girlfriend.
Did you ever read about Joseph? How his brothers could not even talk to him in a kindly manner because they were sick of the way their father treated him different than the 11 of them?? They hated him. (hmm...maybe my brother will save me from a famine on day). Now, I am far from hate for anyone, but I do feel contempt creeping in, which is why I am trying to get this thing under control, and confess it. I only have a few months left here, and if I do not get over this madness I see around me daily, things could definitely end on a bad note, and I really do not want that.
Phew, I really needed to get that out.
Good night

Boring Christmas Survey

2007-12-29T10:29:00.000-08:00

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Both

2. Real tree or artificial? artificial, more for my money

3. When do you put up the tree? 2nd wk of December or so

4. When do you take the tree down? early January

5. Do you like eggnog? No

6. Favorite gift received as a child? Hmm....money

7. Do you have a nativity scene? yes, in storage across the country

8. Hardest person to buy for? my dad

9. Easiest person to buy for? The kids

10. Worst Christmas gift you ever received? my great-grandmother gave some pretty bad ones...but she was in her 90's!! lol

11. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail

12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Of course, "It's A Wonderful Life"

13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? November

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? yep

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? dressing!

16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? Clear...but I will do color if the kids request it!

17. Favorite Christmas song? 'Oh, Holy Night'

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home? little of both

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer? who's reindeer? yes

20. Angel on the tree top or a star? either, I like both

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning? Morning

22. Most annoying thing about this time of year? Too much SANTA insanity from most of the world, and too little focus on Christ's birth

23. What I love most about Christmas? Focusing on Jesus' birth, teaching the kids about it, and making memories for them, with different traditions

Thursday Thirteen - #3

2007-12-27T05:30:00.000-08:00

1-If evolution WAS true, then mothers would have more than 2 hands. We would have at LEAST 8...

2. I am actually posting this Friday morning, and editing the date.

3. Why is it that my kids want to wake up for the day-while it is still dark outside??

4. Is it illegal to actually go through with taping my child's mouth shut?? He just will not be quiet!

5. Now about that tape again. Can I do that?

6. I won't, but man, he makes my head hurt. BE QUIET ALREADY!! It is JUST NOW 7:00 am. SHUT IT

7. I really don't care that his sister called him 'stupid head' just now, because that is how he is acting. Actually, I would call him annoying loud-mouth who doesn't know when to stop talking

8. I shouldn't be writing these things!

9. I am NOT into hearing a loud pitched voice going 200 miles an hour this early EVERY MORNING

10. I am so glad I get to go into work for the day

11. I wonder if Connor will stop talking long enough to actually take the violin lessons that I am going to work to pay for?!?

12. Maybe he will

13. I need to take a deep breath and go pour my coffee now, and try to get calmed down, and read my Bible now..breathe....

Happy Birthday, Jesus!

2007-12-25T19:28:00.000-08:00

Bear with me. I am tired, posting fast, and not re-reading this. It'll be random and scattered. Post more later!!

Happy Birthday Jesus!

I am still unwinding from the long two days we have had. I did want to go ahead and get some photos 'off my chest', and into the blog. Oh, I got a new camera!!! That one was a surprise, but a VERY good one indeed!! Yesterday, I had to play handbells in two services. So, I showed up for rehearsal at 3:30, with kids alseep in the car. I run in to let my group know I was on my way in, and they let me know there will be NO CHILDCARE for the entire evening!!! Whhhhaaaatttt????? SOoooooo...I woke up my crew, dragged them into the sanctuary, and rehearsed as best I could, with the older two in chairs, watching, and Hope literally on my leg. She wouldn't go off stage. So, then, I began to semi-panic. How in the world would I play in front of hundreds of people-twice, with my three, tired, ready to go to Granny's after church, children, and I was there by myself?? So, a wonderful lady found someone to open a classroom, and she had her daughter watch the kids during my parts. I did have to miss the service, but at least I played my part!! If I didn't the show would not have gone on, and we WERE the first 10 minutes or so of the services. I had prayed so hard, and so thankful it went well in the end!!

So, then we went to Granny's for late dinner and present time! It was fun! Hope got a great trike! Connor got an awesome Thomas Carnival Set, all three got their very own V-Smile Pockets! Because you cannot just have one for your house these days!! lol. All their games they have already, are playable in the pocket version!! Cool, huh?!?

They got lots of other things, too!

This morning, we had lots of fun AGAIN! They talked to daddy, too! And tonight, the rest of the family came over for dinner. There was much fun/fighting for the kids! They are almost all the same age, and they are in the fight and tattle ages, so it is loads of fun for us mommies!!

My mom and Sara:

(Twas the Night Before Christmas-->Hmmmm..have I remembered everything??

We made our annual birthday cake for Jesus.

After we sang Happy Birthday, I broke out the diagram I drew up, showing all of the symbolism within my cake. Before we ate it, I explained it with the whole family, the kids LOVED it, and even the adults liked it, I think! The cousins had not seen this kind before, so it was a treat!

The girls got matching Island Princess costumes, but Hope never put hers on. Oh, but she did!!:

Hope and her new shopping cart, which is full of other new goodies. Maybe she put her pants in there?

Notice Veggie Tales' Larry the Cucumber behind my head :o)

I could have LITERALLY gained 5 pounds if I had licked her face at this point of the day:

This was one happy kid (she has the eyes of a girl about to O.D. on sugar, but at least she remembered her flashlight):

Mr Connor, with his new REAL tools! Toolbelt and all!! Thanks, Uncle Zach!!

Our cousins came over for dinner and MORE gifts!! We love to play dress up with our cousins!!

And the perfect end to a perfect day? 'Movie Night' in Mommy's room. Complete with our very own tents, flashlights, sleeping bags, popcorn, milk, and gobs of new movies!! Hi Daddy! We miss you! And we love you!!!!

Merry Christmas to ALL, and to all, A GOOD NIGHT!!

Sunday Morning Pictures

2007-12-23T11:36:00.000-08:00

Yay! I got some good shots of the kids, and even of myself!!

This is me at Christy's last night, before we decorated cookies

I call this one "Yay Christmas!"

This was cute!

OK, but I need a tan
Cute!!

'Messy Saturday'

2007-12-22T08:14:00.000-08:00

Even though it is not yet 10:30 a.m., I am hereby proclaiming today "Messy Saturday". And I am including all of last nights messes in the "Messy Saturday" proclamation.
It all started when I had 3 children in 3 years.....just kidding...well, not really.
So anyway, it started last night at bedtime. I ALWAYS have a cup of water with me, ALWAYS. All I drink is coffee and water, so when 'coffee drinking time' is over, the water drinking continues. So, my cup was empty at bedtime, and Hope wanted a drink of it, and so, I climbed out of bed, went to the bathroom, and FILLED it up. Took a drink, handed it to Hope. She took a drink, then, satisfied, handed it back. Not sure what exactly happened at the transfer of hands, but something went wrong, and the cup did NOT go to me. Instead, 12 ounces of cold water spilled all over my 'spot'. Soaked into the egg crate pad and all. And for those of you that have 3 young children, you know how tired you are at 9:00 at night. So, I put Hope on the floor, ran to the bathroom, grabbed two body towels. One to soak up most of the water. The other to put on the bed, and lay on. So, I just doubled the towel, and slept on it.
Fast forward to this morning.

spilled milk in the kitchen
couch cushions on the floor-how many times have I said....
pillow fight with Nanna's good couch pillows, with the fringes that are soo fun to try to pull off
taking mommy's pillows off her bed (literally 10 of them), then throwing them ALL down the stairs, to finish the pillow fight they had started with aforementioned pillows
Broken glass all over the foyer, due to the throwing of pillows taking all of the framed family photos that WERE on the wall, down with them--the sound of the breaking glass was how I knew the pillows had been thrown
I need more coffee at this point, soooo.....I make a second pot (shared by my dad), BUT somehow, the filter was bent, which resulted in the coffee brewing, and pouring itself all over the counter, instead of into the pot. I found this out when I went in to pour a fresh cup, into my huge Seattle mug, of course

Oh, and after the pillows braking the glass, I sent Connor to sit in the corner. He pulled up a kids chair and faced the corner. Hope sees him there, and thought it would be so cool to put a chair behind him, and make a train. So, as I am cleaning everything up, I hear "choo-choo", and look to see them all facing the corner, sitting in plastic kids' chairs, playing train. Oh the joys! :)

I think that is all at this point, but I may have missed something. However, it IS only 10:30 in the morning. So, I will return later. I am hoping the weather will cooperate and we can go meet our friends at the cool Arlington Playground.

Now, here are some words from He who gives me everything I need!

NEHEMIAH 8:10

Don't be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength!"

PSALM 16:11

You will show me the path of life;

In Your presence is fullness of joy;

At Your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

PHILIPPIANS 4:4

Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again--rejoice!

"So, if our joy is low, it means we have not been spending time in God's presence, receiving His strength and help. It means we have got our focus off God and onto something else. (Although God is always with us, as we worship Him and praise Him and thank Him, God manifests His presence.)

Being gloomy is not a sign of being spiritual. God did not intend for His people to be downcast. Let the world be sad, we have something to rejoice about! Jesus! Heaven! If you look at your circumstances you may not feel like rejoicing. But if you look at Jesus as He truly is -- you will not be able to keep from rejoicing in Him. Jesus is wonderful!"

The Best Light Show Around Town

2007-12-20T19:07:00.000-08:00

Can you tell I'm bored? With no sports, dance classes, music lessons, Bible studies, and having sick children here and there, oh, and the rain, I am suffering from a bad case of cabin fever. My self-remedy is over-blogging. But that is OK, because my husband reads these ALL THE WAY on the other side of the world, which makes it all worth while. (I know you look forward to hearing about our daily lives, don't you, lover? (I love you!))

We had a 'Grinch Night' the other night, which included reading the book, putting on elf hats, and then watching the Dr. Seuss movie, eating popcorn and drinking something my mom found in a magazine, called 'Grinch Punch', which was a lemon/limeade drink with green food coloring in it.

Tonight, before our tour of lights in the car, we had what Katelyn referred to as a Cake party. We had made holiday cupcakes, and I put them in the shape of a tree, to look cute:

but before the 'party' got started, Hope wanted one, and she wasn't happy when I said no!! (you can see her hand in the corner there)

Thanks to the local home school group that I am a member of, there have been lots of options for places to take the kids to see lights. There has been a thread on the forum that tells us the best places in and around town to go. Well, tonight, we drove a long way to see the best one I have ever seen in my life!! It was WAY out at a Christian Retreat, called the Rose Of Sharon Christian Retreat Center. The pictures don't do it justice, but I wanted to show a little of what they had, especially for my husband to see:

Here is a huge display that was on the way out to the retreat:

Here is our 'tour guide'. He showed up at every turn, telling us which way to go:

We thanked him kindly each and every time, too :) He sure was helpful.

This was the first thing you come to, a little chapel:

Then, there was a set-up, supporting our troops, so, naturally, the kids and I took the opportunity for a photo-op. It didn't turn out so great, though:

I always love the Candy Cane story:

And this was a cute one-there were nutcrackers on the little porch:

Here are some angels:

And it had the entire documented life of Jesus, here are a few scenes:

(nativity)

(Jesus arriving in Jerusalem)

(going before Pilate)

(Crucifixion)

Here is the empty tomb, you can actually go in and see the empty tomb, there is an angel in there!

I found 'Mom' (she's standing in the door there)! She popped up 2 times throughout the land, greeting us with Apron on and all. She was a great hostess. It's hard to see in this photo, but- I LOVE how her son has festive 'Family Von Trap' pants on! Lady-yodelady-yodelayheehoo

This was at the end:

And there was more, but I know you must be bored to tears!! If you are local, you should go see the lights! Friday and Saturday, they have concessions, a tram you can ride, and there is music going on the whole time!!

Thursday Thirteen - #2-plus other things

2007-12-20T08:26:00.000-08:00

This Thursday's edition of 13 random things on my mind, and also, I wanted to post the pictures of the special ornaments I bought each of our children this year.

The first is one for Connor, to commemorate his first year playing soccer:

The next one is for Katelyn, since she started dancing this year. However, Hope got up and broke it, so now, only one ballet shoe is on the string. I have to sew it back together again.

This one is Hope's! Hers are going to be the easiest to find, for sure!! I should have named them Hope, Joy, and Love! (Katelyn's middle name is Joy, though!!)

This is my HUGE Seattle coffee mug that I wanted to show off! It is at least two-three times the size of a normal mug. If you have never visited Seattle, the coffee business there is BOOMIN'. There are espresso drive-through's in every bank, gas station, K-Mart parking Lot, and I am surprised there aren't any on the side of the interstate!

And this picture is of the Poinsettia that was bought in honor of my husband, for the Bellevue Baptist Poinsettia Tree that they put up every year. Members can buy one in honor or memory of someone, and then all of the plants are placed in a huge tree form, in the foyer, till the week before Christmas, then you get to take your home. My mom and dad bought this one.

Okay, now for 13 things:

1. "He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God." John 8:47 ( my verse for the week)

2. I miss my husband very much!

3. I LOVE coffee.

4. I need more coffee

5. It is very rainy and cold this morning, and Connor is going crazy with energy to burn

6. The treadmill is staring at me, making me feel guilty right now

7. What is so interesting about 'mommy's purse'?

8. I am tired of saying, "If I let you have some gum, CHEW it, Don't Swallow it" to my 2 yr old.

9. DORA

10. THOMAS

11. CHRISTMAS

12. I am 'patiently waiting' on the Lord to show Tim and me what decision to make about his career, etc. Please show us!

13. I lost more weight..not sure how that happened? Only 3 pounds to my short-term goal now! 13 to my final, unreasonable, maybe not so unreasonable goal!!

Ten on Tuesday

2007-12-18T19:22:00.000-08:00

10 New Year's Resolutions for 2008

1. Lose the last 5..er..15 pounds..and keep them off
2. Read my Bible everyday
3. Read through the Bible
4. Cook balanced meals
5. Pray more
6. Worry less
7. Get outside more
8. Get my 'hair did' with a great style, to go with my new-found figure
9. Keep the laundry done
10. Enjoy my husband

Christmas Tour, A Day Late

2007-12-18T09:28:00.000-08:00

I decided to join the tour of homes, and show off my decorations for this Christmas!! Be sure not to be drinking anything when you look at my pictures. You might spew it on your computer, because you will be laughing at me for even posting this! Now, remember, I am not in my own home this year.

I will start with this morning's picture, that led to me just wanting to go along with this. The kids all made little Christmas decorations/projects Sunday at church. Katelyn made a nativity scene, held up by a tp roll, Hope made a card for Jesus' Birthday, and, Connor made a little manger with a yellow blanket covering the baby Jesus. Baby Jesus was simply a peanut in its shell, with a face drawn on. So, I had the projects on the coffee table in the kitchen, to show off, well, at least to let the kids enjoy looking at their creations. Anyway, I was at the bar on the island this morning, drinking coffee, and cutting out snowflakes, because we wanted to make more glitter snowflakes that we had made a few days ago. You just can't have too many, you know! So, I am talking to my mom, and happily cutting away, when I notice a mess underneath my chair. I looked down, and I see an empty manger, with a blanket, NO PEANUT!! Next to that, was BABY JESUS' SHELL!! I grabbed the camera (never far from my reach) and documented this. The kids always sneak under the bar, between the wall and stools to eat forbidden snacks, have 'accidents' in their pants, etc.. So, there was the evidence. No one will fess up to eating our Lord and Savior. But didn't Jesus tell us that He is the Bread of Life, and if we eat of His Body, we will never go hungry? Well, there you go! Apparently the kids wanted to see if this is true.

The first one is what I saw from my chair, in the next one, I found His face and tried to put them together for the picture.

And here are the white snowflakes we made, but they are hard to see, so we made colored ones today.

This is our tree, which is a beautiful, pre-lit tree, that my kids decorated, so....

And here is that trusty ol Gingerbread house I showed weeks ago, that we made:

And the stairs:

The foyer-yep, just a plate on the top. My mom is not really the overboard with decorations type, lol.

This is the extent of our Nativity Scene this year:-it is never in place, either, because it is just so much fun to take down and put on again!!

Here are our 'Advent Wreaths' that the kids and I made.

Here is one of my favorite decorations:

Thank you for joining me this year. Next year, we will be back in our own home (Lord willing!) and I will get you more of a full-coverage tour!!

Merry Christmas!!

Those Brits REALLY are funny...and other stuff

2007-12-17T15:05:00.000-08:00

Here is what I got from my mom for Christmas. She let me pick it out, so I would be satisfied! It is from Here. Now I can tell the workd I am an Army wife, and proud of it!! I had wanted to get one before, but there were so many designs to choose from, that I never decided on one, but since she told me to pick one out for my present, I went ahead and got this one. It came yesterday and is so cute!!

If anyone out there reads this and has any advice for me, please tell me how to

make my 2 year get rid of diarrhea. Really, enough is enough already.

do the whole stay at home mom thing-cook, clean, laundry, baths, brush teeth, and get the kids outside to play, oh, and keep the sick child inside, while the sick child clings to your leg, and the other kids are wanting you to push them on the swing.

My brother just called to tell me about an awesome new place called Incredible Pizza. I looked it up, It looks so cool! It is like a modern Chuck-E-Cheese. I will definitely take the family there soon! It is getting cool outside, and that is definately a good option!!

I found this from Top Dawg. I rolled on the floor laughing. Oops, I mean, I rotfl :)

Fellow Bloggers

2007-12-17T10:50:00.000-08:00

Recently, since there hasn't been anything to do, I have gotten into reading different blogs. I am so happy to see like-minded mama's writing about similar experiences. The TOP DAWG of mama bloggers (I am calling her) is BooMama. She has all the blog moms in her court. There is an entire network of Christian mom bloggers that have banded together and 'hang out' online. I have to admit, I am very interested in this phenomenon.

Thursday Thirteen - #1

2007-12-13T16:14:00.000-08:00

I recently read a blog called "Thursday Thirteen", so as my children run around the kitchen with tension rods as swords, I am going to sit back and ignore them and do my first Thursday Thirteen. It is simply 13 random tidbits I feel like blogging.

1. I mailed Tim's package today via Priority Mail, and included gifts for two single soldiers that we love.

2. We are waiting for brownies to cool so we can 'test' them, to make sure they will be safe for Katelyn's Christmas party st dance tomorrow ;)

3. Grey's Anatomy has got to be the most brilliant show I have ever seen.

4. I wish more people would understand that not only is Jesus the Savior, He is YOUR Savior, and that means should live like you love Him :)

5. I love my husband so much, and am so glad the deployment is coming to an end sooner than later!

6. If I never heard someone whine again in my lifetime, that would be just fine with me. Two 4 year olds sure can do some whining.

7. If I never see a poopy diaper in my life, that would be just fine with me, too.

8. I am so thankful for those kids that whine and poop :)

9. I am praying VERY hard that I can get the hang of the songs I am playing at the Christmas Eve services at church. This week's rehearsal was the first time I sounded the least bit promising!!

10. My daughter just dumped my cup of water off the island all over the floor, and climbed up here and said, "Do I still get a brownie?"

11. Yes, she still gets a brownie

12. I have lost most of my weight!! Only 5 more pounds to my short term goal, 15 to my unreasonable 11th grade weight goal!!

13. These brownies are NOT helping my efforts toward that goal the least little bit :O

More Wedding Pictures

2007-12-11T16:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, I finally got the pictures that my mom took at Dawn's wedding, so I uploaded them and wanted to post them here to have forever :)
There are a couple of Tim and myself that are keepers, too. We stood under the arch and had some pictures taken:

The kids looked soo adorable in their clothes! I miss Tim :(
There is news of him returning earlier than we had expected, so I am very happy about that!

Family Christmas Pictures-Round 1-and Concert News

2007-12-10T05:01:00.000-08:00

I love pictures! So, after our Christmas program last night, I had us all get on the stairs and get some shots. Working with the kids, it took a lot of tires, but they turned out hmmm..interesting, but cute! I am more of a professional look lover, but these will do for now. My brother's 17 year old girlfriend took them, so I will not complain too much. But I am so picky.
I wish Tim could have been here

Mom, Sara, Zach, the Kids, and Me-notice Zach hadn't gone to the program, so he is not in holiday dress!

Dad, come get in!

The Kids and Me

Connor did so good at the Christmas program! He sang Saturday and Sunday nights. His costume, along with the rest of the preschool choir, was a paper grocery bag, with a large yellow star on the front! He played his part in the greatest 4 and 5 year old hand bell rendition of 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' I have ever heard :) and sang 'Praise Him, All You Shining Stars' and 'Infant Holy, Infant Lowly'. I was so proud! And he had a speaking part "After they had seen the King, they went on their way" and he nailed it!! Then he went to Mission Kids, and when I picked the kids up after my concert, he and Katelyn had made me cards. Connor had written my name and his name all inside. And this is what it 'said'.
"Mommy, I know you love me and that your love never ends, Dear Mommy and Connor"
That is what he said that it said! And on the back he glued a tree and star and manger on it! He has such a sweet heart :)
My parents came and watched/listened to our program and thoroughly enjoyed it. I was surprised to see even my dad seemed to enjoy himself away from Mr. Laptop, lol. I had reserved front row seats for them, with their names on them and everything! And I had my camcorder set up for my dad on the tripod, so he could get it on dvd for Tim. But, as life would have it, my $100 battery died 35 minutes into it! So, I will try to get someone elses and copy it. But we did get Connor's part in it! Well, I am working at the Law Office this week, in the mornings. They called me in to fill in for their girl, I think people are taking off for the holidays. I am grateful for the extra money. I have Connor starting violin lessons in January, and what I will make this week covers 2/3rds the cost of the semester!!

Some Pictures

2007-12-07T20:33:00.000-08:00

My attempt at Christmas pictures Christmas 2006

Connor and Katelyn Christmas 2005-Hope was asleep

Princess Katelyn at her 4th Birthday Party

Hope and Nanna before Hope's 2nd Birthday Party

Katelyn and Me Christmas 2005

Katelyn and Hope Spring 2007

I made this odd picture of my girlfriends faces.

BABY HOPE

Me wearing Hope. I miss those slings. I went everywhere with them. I think I had about 5 of that kind, plus other ones.

The girls and I Thanksgiving 2 years ago. I made them indians.

Connor and Katelyn playing in the dirt back home in Washington.

Blessings for Nathan, Angie, and Marianna Luce

2007-12-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

It has just occurred to me, many people have giving hearts and do not know what to do for them. Here is an idea that stems from losing my daughter, Abigail Grace. After we lost her, my husband, who was our only source of income, was unable to go to work for a few weeks. We received some monetary gifts from people in our church, his work, and some of our family. This was one of the greatest blessings we have had in our lives. Money is always a burden, and these gifts lifted that burden just a little while we were in the midst of the darkest days of our lives. We were able to go see a movie or to dinner to get away for a few minutes, without worrying too much about the money side of things.

If anyone who has been following my friends Angie and Nathan Luce's journey through the birth and passing of their baby girl, Poppy Joy, and wants to do something of worth, on top of your prayers, you may want to send them a monetary gift. I called the church office and they said it would be fine if you sent it there and they will give all envelopes or anything they receive in the Luce's name to them. (I will call to make sure, but do not hesitate if you feel led.)For a more personal gift, Marianna is 2, The Luce's are in their mid-twenties.

The Luce Family
Faith Baptist Church
3755 North Germantown Road
Memphis, TN 38133

Holidays

2007-12-03T11:52:00.000-08:00

I am finding it hard to get into the holiday spirit this. I am not in my own home, my husband is at war, and my friend had her precious baby die, which hurts even more because I lost my daughter 5 years ago. But I am trying to do things that feel normal, like making a gingerbread house with my kids:

Notice Connor is not pictured, but he was acting silly!
And I wanted to post some pictures of Tim's sister's wedding. The kids were in it.

Hope was also in it, but would not get a good picture.
So, I will be at choir practice every night this week, preparing for our program this weekend. Maybe that will help me shake the blues.

Reality

2007-11-28T12:25:00.000-08:00

I am watching my brother grieve over the loss of one of his friends. My brother, Zach, is 18, and his friend died last week. Apparently, he was drunk, on drugs, or both, not sure, and I guess had passed out at a friend's house. He woke up throwing up on himself, and then, choked on his vomit. The boy's friend's parents found him dead, surrounded by his vomit. Zach attended his funeral last night. He is pretty torn up about it. I am so saddened by this. How the parent's must feel. I lost a child, but it was God who called her home. I guess it is always God who calls us home, but when it is under these circumstances, all kinds of thoughts flood my mind. I always, of course, wonder if they had ever asked Jesus to come into their lives, and then, why were they in the position they were in. Why did that boy get so messed up? Was he so sad, lonely? Or was it a social setting, where everyone got messed up beyond their limits? I PRAY I can hold my children as close as I can, and teach them to love the Lord more than things of the world, and perhaps, in doing so, eliminate their desire to find comfort and numbing from drugs and alcohol. But as I have learned, you cannot teach your children to have more faith than you have, yourself. So, the key is to stay in the Lord's presence daily. In His Word, with His People, and telling others of His love. And showing my kids that we can live each day, with a mission, of loving and helping others, and not living for self-gratification. That is a selfish way of life, and does not glorify God.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it

Lonely days are here again

2007-11-27T16:04:00.000-08:00

I have been constantly thinking about Tim being gone again. It was a great visit, but like all good times, it came and went too quickly. I cannot stop thinking of the next few months. My head is full of planning ideas for our trip home. I am going indepth with all my trip planning, maybe a little too much, but I really need a goal, something to keep my mind busy. I am getting a full itinerary of fun things to do. We will see Mt. Rushmore, The Badlands, and Yellowstone, thus far, anyway. I am sure things will not be as planned. I am looking into hotels that give military discounts, and even the best towns to stay in, and the best gas prices. I will be leaving around or before June 1st. It seems like a lifetime away, but I know it will be here soon. I have Christmas programs to prepare for, Christmas day to look forward to, then I am throwing an old friend a baby shower in January. Then, Connor's birthday, and a few other things. But I am looking toward having my family back together. I miss him so bad already. Having him here was so nice. He is such an awesome daddy. I was packing one day for a little getaway, and I heard him call the girls over, just so he could paint their nails. He loves our kids so much it makes me smile just thinking about it! Now I am trying to stay joyful through the tears. I am very tired of not having our own place, and am thankful for having a place. But it is very hard. Hope just had an accident, I have to go!

My lover returns

2007-11-21T12:44:00.000-08:00

Ok, it has definitely been a full two weeks with Tim here! I have not sat down for anything computer-wise, other than email checks and bill paying. So, we had our family picture taken yesterday, and I wanted to post it. We have not received the actual prints yet, but I got the photo from the website. We have spent the last two weeks between my family's house in the country, my parents' house, luxury hotels downtown in Memphis, and we still have to go visit his family in Mississippi, before we go two more nights in hotels, then he leaves again :(

So, we have missed church several times, and I miss the choir and all of my friends, but we are playing catch-up from 7 months apart. The kids have been all about Daddy. They don't even want me to strap them in the car, or anything!! Well, I am going to rest now!!

911

2007-11-05T17:35:00.000-08:00

We lost Connor tonight. Well, not really, but we thought he was gone. It all started when Sara and I were enjoying a late afternoon play with Hope in the den. Nanna had taken Katelyn to drop some things at the Goodwill. Pop was still at work, and Zach was out on his dirt bike. So, Connor had been upstairs paying with his trains. He had 2 cavities filled this morning, so after a while, it was quiet and I figured he had fallen asleep up there. Around an hour had passed, and I went up there, because that is way too long for him to be quiet. He was nowhere to be seen. Now, we are living with my parents. Let me just say that a house search under the most modest of house sizes is tough when trying to find a 4 year old boy. But their house, including attic is around 7,000 square feet. UNNERVING!!! There are so many rooms, closets, showers, bathrooms, beds, chairs, airlocks, etc. Where to start???? After searching upstairs, I went towards the upstairs door that leads across the walkway on top of the carport, and into the small apartment behind the house. Well, the door was dead bolted from the inside, so I still went out and into the apartment and searched the dark house. Then after running down the stairs, looking downstairs, I ran out to the lake. Yelling for Connor. The land is so vast out here. Our lake is not deep, but the one across the street is, and it was getting dark, so with Hope on my hip, I ran over there, skimming the top of the water with my eyes. Nothing. I got in the car, called 911, leaving Sara at home with Hope and driving off to wherever. I drove the coves, then all the way to our family's house way down the road. His cousin lives there, and I never know? He COULD have gotten bored and walked there? So, I call Tiffany Essary (my God-sent friend, by the way) and Grace (Agh..what is her last name?) and thus began the prayer chain. When I arrived home after finding nothing, the police finally showed up, searched with us some more. All the while, let me just say I am praying the entire time. I am strengthening my faith, and so, I pray, "Lord, please, I don't know where Connor is, but YOU do. Please show me where he is. Keep him safe in Your arms wherever he is, and bring me to him" I looked up, and in the cloudy, oncoming rain sky, there was a single, lone brilliantly bright star suspended there overhead. I said, Yes, there you are, Lord, you are watching over us all, and this is no mystery. So, if he is hurt, or gone, you have not and never will change. I will praise Your name even still. Even after I have lost one child, and now, maybe another? You are the Glorious One, who is worthy to be praised. So, I had bought 2 cd's last night of Travis Cottrell, a wonderful praise singer, leader, and writer we had gone to his concert last night, and had the best time in worship. So, I turned it up, and sang some praise songs. I have learned, like the song Shackles, we are to praise Him through our circumstances. If we do, the blessings are poured out. So, after only a few minutes (30?) of looking for Connor, I try one more time, in a guestroom downstairs. I looked under the bed, nothing. Then, I look a bit over and onto the floor on the other side. I see a fuzzy, buzz cut, and attached to that is a little 4 year old boy, wearing the same thing I had described to the 911 operator, sound asleep on a pillow, he had purposefully placed there to nap on. He was stirring, and woke up. To deputies all over the house, the choir family on their way, and who should call, Pastor Danny at that moment! So, of course, we are so thankful Connor was safe the whole time, but also feel that foolish feeling, but I am so thankful to have had all of those prayer warriors, at the drop of a hat, ready to help in prayer, and to come with a moments notice to help search for my lost child. I told Pastor Danny he was fine, and to spread the word. Isn't the body of Christ such a beautiful thing? They prayed for us while we were looking, and the Lord allowed me to fine him, asleep! His reason for being asleep in there? He had to rest his body before he started a birthday party for one of his Thomas and friends trains 'Murdock'.
So, I have not had the chance to tell Daddy yet. He is currently in Kuwait, and about to be home for his leave!!!

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Be joyful always;
pray continually;
give thanks in all circumstances,
for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

One blessing after another

2007-11-02T16:52:00.000-07:00

Well, I have been praying and praying over our finances, and it seems that one thing after another keeps happening, to where we cannot get out of this bind. I had to buy a new tire this morning, which, led to an..aghem...adventure in Walmart for 5 hours with 2 and 4 year old daughters of mine. I use the word adventure. I did get to see many loved ones, close friends, and new friends while we were there. Even made a new friend, another mother and her 3 year old girl who came in behind me and left as I was leaving! She attends Bellevue, and is in the Sunday School class we were in when we first got married! We never were in the class at the same time, though. Walmart is a place where much can be had. We had our lunch at McDonald's. After 3 hours, since that is how long they were telling me it would take, we headed back to the tire center, and we were still one car away, as I was getting this info, my girls decided that the tire display looked like as good a place as any to make a new clubhouse, so they hid in there and climbed through the tires, while I grabbed them, the youngest screamed-it was already 1 hour past nap. Ok, finally, one of our last treks was to the bike aisle to look at big girl bikes. My friends Stacey Barretta, who had seen me earlier, came to keep me company for a few, and we talked while I let the girls get down 2 fold n go tricycles and ride up and down aisles to their hearts delight! Yep, I did! Ok, they had been through enough! I let them have some fun in Wally-World! It was fun! And Hope rode on a Pretty Pony and even a singing catepillar. Then Katelyn played jump rope with a hula hoop. Then, we went and paid at the front, just to waste more time. Katelyn helped me pay, which means putting things from the basket onto the belt (we had accumulated a bit in our cart, from walking the aisles for 5 hours). So, then, we went back and waited in the tire center waiting room, and watched 'Jakers' on PBS. And we went home, took naps in the car, and went to dance class.
So, I took a wrong turn down a country road, NEVER done that out here before, but we ended up late for dance, but when we got there, not one, but two different mothers had bags full of clothing, shoes, and coats for my girls. I cannot express how I feel. So I have been praying for our finances, and God has shown Himsels, as always, faithful and true. Both of my girls (and Connor for that matter, due to a wonderful man who works with my mother-in-law) now are not needing anything for this entire season, my husband has a full wardrobe, shoes, pants, and shirts, jacket, and we have 7 nights of luxury for free ahead of us. All of this because we are faithful to our Lord, and He shows Himself through His people. How Awesome are His Works? I still need much, but I see the needs being met on a daily basis, solely from God, through these people. I just love Him, and when we serve Him, He is so faithful to provide everything we need. I will continue to pray for our money situation, but these things that have been given to us have definitely lightened our burden.

Matthew 21:22
If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer

John 16:23-24
In that day you will no longer ask me anything. I tell you the truth, my Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. Until now you have not asked for anything in my name. Ask and you will receive, and your joy will be complete.

Training

2007-10-31T10:11:00.000-07:00

These early years of motherhood is all about hands on training. At this very time in my life, I have potty trained 2, and now working with the third child on going potty. And last week, I decided the oldest two would have much more fun riding their bikes with no training wheels, so off they went! Connor being a little older is already off riding on his own on day two, well, he needs to have me hold him while he pushes off, but then he is off! Leaving me jogging behind, because if I don't, how will he get going again when he stops?!? And Katelyn is getting it, but she still likes to ride in the grass more than the street. We are blessed to live on 2 acres and have a wonderful neighborhood, where everyone has 2 acres and there is virtually no traffic. It is made up of 3 coves, and an outlet, a dream for a small child learning to ride a bike!! And our driveway is long, too! The scariest thing is watching Connor ride fast down the street, then veer off into our yard, and down toward the lake!! I yelled "STOP!!!". Finally, not a moment too soon, he did!!
I have begun the daunting yet fun and enchanting experience of homeschooling him today. He did well for his first day. It is difficult to be my normal mother self with my parents almost always watching. Almost unnerving at times. Yet, I am clinging to Romans 12:12, and am being joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer. The patient in affliction is the hardest one I have come to learn. I am trying very hard.
On a different note, Tim gets here next week!! I cannot wait!!! He is going to be so surprised at how much the kids have grown and changed since 7 month ago!! And I can't wait to have a hug!! No hugs or kisses for me in 7 months!!! That is a loooong time!! And I am putting on record: I bet with our history, I will get pregnant through the vasectomy, and move back to Washington next year third trimester, with three others in tow, and move into a new place without Tim there yet! I bet it actually happens. Such has been and is our life! No one else, mind you, but us, yes! It will lol. I wouldn't be sad, I would be thrilled. And the real reason I know this will happen, is because I am again almost done losing all my weight, and every time I do, I get pregnant!!! I am about 7 pounds over what I was when I got pregnant with number 3. Well, I always wanted 5 kids! Well, I think the dino-chicken nuggets are ready, so I better feed the troops!!

Proverbs 22:6
Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it.

Tame the Tongue

2007-10-29T05:55:00.000-07:00

My verses for the MOMS group this week:

James 3: 8-10

but no man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in God's likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers, this should not be

The other part of this chapter speaks of examples: Can a fresh well produce salt? Can a fig tree produce olives? Vice versa? No, then we should learn to tame our tongue because just as a large ship is steered with the small rudder, our lives are guided in most part by our mouths, our tongue, our words. A large animal like a horse is tamed by the tongue, with a bit placed in it, and whenever the master rider pulls the reigns, the horse complies. The tongue is so powerful. We can lift up or tear down with what passes through. I pray everyday, as a Sanguin, to allow God to use my words, and even if I say too much, may those words still touch someone, and not fill them with contempt. I love to talk, and when you love to talk, you are BOUND to say the wrong thing now and then. Let me learn to shut up sometimes! I have noticed God has begun taming my tongue. Prayer really does work. Prayer along with aligning myself with His will.

2007-10-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

I am officially a nerd. I had to get glasses!

I haven't been on here in so long. Tim is coming in a matter of days and I am not really in the writing mood, except emails to him telling him to hurry up! So, God has been blessing us left and right. I have been praying for our finances like crazy! Well, we haven't received money so to speak, but I have received God's Word in my heart and his quiet whispers in my mind, telling me what to do. As for Tim's leave, he will be here for 18 days-give or take, and we have 7 nights stay at various luxury hotels in the downtown area, free of charge! Let me name drop for them: 2 nights at the French Quarter, 1 night at Holiday Inn Select, 3 nights at Marriott on Main, and one night at the Peabody!!! Now if we can just get some food! And the other nights we will be visiting his family in Mississippi, and staying in our family's vacant farmhouse in Arkansas. We will take the kids down there with their bikes, have a bonfire, and a good 'ol time! There's cable, too! I can't leave my FoxNews, now can I? Oh, I started yet a third Bible study. This one is with my sister. We are doing Experiencing God, which I have done twice before but never finished. So I have one on Proverbs, one on the book of James, and now, one of the most difficult of all times, Experiencing God. If I don't know God as himself by the end of these, there's something wrong!! Here is my Bible verse for the week for the new one:

John 15:5

I am the vine, you are the branches. If any man remains in me, and I in him, then he will bear much fruit; apart from Me, you can do nothing.

That was pure memory, and if it isn't 100%, sorry, I will get it right by days 5! It's a known verse so it wasn't difficult. Jean Stockdale gives the HARD ones! I cower to them.

My faces

2007-10-26T07:05:00.000-07:00

This afternoon

2007-10-16T16:14:00.000-07:00

This afternoon has been trying for my spirit. It happens every now and then, that I have a tougher than normal time with the kids. I am doing Bible studies and know that anger is a sin, and so I have been focusing on not losing it. It is 6pm, which is one of those hard times of the day when you have small children, much less 3. I blew it with my middle child today, over eating her squash. I don't know that I got angry, but I do know that I did not respond to her the way I should have. I know, what 3 almost 4 year old wants to eat their squash? But really, it was great! The other 2 ate it! But after the squash incident, it was time to go upstairs. Well, there is still my little one crying for mommy. I gotta tell you, I really get tired about 6:00 p.m. I want to put them in bed and veg. Not to mention I am praying for a literal financial miracle, I have my wisdom teeth cut out first thing tomorrow, Tim comes home on leave in 3 weeks, I need to lose 25 pounds, oh, and did I mention my son is adhd? Oh, and I live with my parents for the year? Which that is a blessing, but it is hard none the less. Anyway, so as I trudged up the stairs, I began thinking of verses to hold on to, no, cling to tonight.

Psalm 34:8
Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalm 62:7
My salvation and my honor depend on God ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge.

Psalm 119:114
You are my refuge and my shield; I have put my hope in your word.

Proverbs 14:26
He who fears the LORD has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge.

Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him,

1 Thessalonians 5:23
May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ

I hope to bring verses to mind instead of anger and stress. The Lord is my refuge in times of trouble, and he will give me peace and rest.

Mentor

2007-10-15T12:14:00.000-07:00

I have been wanting a mentor, and while I have found a woman that I look to, it is from afar, due to her schedule. In the meantime, I have accidentally become a mentor myself. My sister has told me that I am her mentor. It is a big job. It is all the more reason that I should stay strong in the Word, and keep my eyes on Jesus. I know that my personality is very influential, and when I am both strong in the Word, and not, I pull people the way I am going. I see all these things around me working for the good of, well, let me put it in God's Words:

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I definitely love Him, and as I serve Him and long to understand Him, He shows me wonderful, glorious things all around me. People I have been praying for becoming open to God's Love, my sister coming back to the Lord. The neatest thing is that I have been praying for financial provisions, and, being faithful in our tithes, and praying, I have been waiting and trusting Him to provide. Well, He is providing, in His supernatural ways! God is sooo good . All He wants is for us to love Him and serve Him.

My handsome prince

2007-10-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

Connor had to get 2 cavities filled Tuesday morning. They had to numb his mouth pretty good, as well as I had to give him demorol at home beforehand. Well, after his appointment, I took him on to school. He had to keep cotton strips in his mouth to make sure he didn't bite through his cheek and lips. So, I get the call after his nap, saying I needed to come get him. He had chewed his mouth while he slept! So, I kept him home from school and church last night (my mom watched him last night). He looked so sad. When i came to get him, I saw him, and just melted. I gave him a huge hug, and brought him into the van. Well, I turned around and saw him in his seat, with a power rangers mask on. I was so broken. He was ashamed of his face. I asked him to please take it off. That he was still and always will be my handsome prince. No matter what! Then I explained that God made us all special, and sometimes things like this happens, and we may look different, but God made us, and it doesn't matter how we may look. I shared this verse with him:

Psalm 139:13-14
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.

God made us just the way He wanted. And even when we get huge lips, or a deformity, be proud of who we are in Christ. A child of the Most High God. That is nothing to be ashamed of! Connor took it to heart, took of the mask and gave me the biggest hug I think he has ever given me. Later, I asked him if anyone had laughed or made fun of him. He said not in his class, but when the 3 year old class saw him, they did. I experienced a new emotion that day. The one of almost wrath towards kids who are making fun of my child!! I know that this will be the first of many of those feelings, with these children growing up. As long as I affirm to them that they are so special and children of the Creator, I pray they are not too affected by these outside influences. I want our home to be a refuge. One where they will not be afraid to be themselves, and one where they feel loved and at peace. One where they do not want to get away, but hang out, as they get older. I am starting to ramble. I wonder if Katelyn is asleep yet. I need a nap, too! Hope looks so comfortable over there asleep!!

Monday afternoon ramblings

2007-10-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

I haven't really had much to blog about lately. I think i have been too busy. I had a great weekend. We didn't have any soccer, because of fall break. I went to family functions and of course church. Yesterday was a wonderful sermon. Our pastor is in Alaska right now, so we had a guest come speak. It was about seeing people as Jesus sees them. You know, I have to say, as I get closer to the Lord, I totally feel more in love with people in general. The whispers of my childhood ingrained prejudices grow dimmer, and Jesus is showing me who people really are. Who are we to judge? Are we not repulsive as well? Each in our own way? As my Bible Study teacher, Jean Stockdale said the other day, her son had fallen off the ladder from the roof, by missing one step of the ladder, not more than that. We are all sinners and we all fall short, but we cannot be saved from the fall and the impending death, without Jesus' blood. One sin plunges us into the depths of destruction leading to death, just as missing one step made Dawson fall twenty feet to the ground. It doesn't take a lot. Sometimes, I just want to go gather up all if the people in Memphis, and say, do you not know that our city does not need to be like this? Simply ask Jesus into your heart, and see how our city would change. Memphis is now the number 1 most dangerous city in America. Yes, it is. It is shocking that my hometown is that town. Everyone moves out of the city, to the outskirts, and leaves the gangs and drugs to their own demise. There are streets I will not drive down, for fear of random shootings. Yes, there are random shootings daily. So, I am not sure where this is going, but I am convinced that someone is reading this, because I see my profile views slowly go up, and I get a comment here and there. I would love comments. I used to blog on MySpace, and I have over a dozen subscribers, who left comments daily. I miss it, really, but to have a godly home, and family, my husband had asked me to not have a MySpace while he is away. I totally understand. Too many people were writing me, and going to my page. He is a more private person, and is a world away. He deserves some control and leadership in our family. He is the head of my family! So anyway, I just wanted to post some verses really quick. This first one is a follow-up to my only May blog.
Proverbs 1:7
The fear of the LORD is the beginning of knowledge,
but fools despise wisdom and discipline.
The fear of the Lord is TOTALLY the beginning of wisdom. Once you understand who and what He really is, then you are able to live in His will. He is everything. You choose to either live by the Maker's rules, or try to swim upstream, against the Laws He placed over us, and end up miserable, and ultimately, separated from any good thing for eternity (aka Hell, Sheol, etc.)

Proverbs 2:7-9
7 He holds victory in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless,
8 for he guards the course of the just
and protects the way of his faithful ones.
9 Then you will understand what is right and just
and fair—every good path.
If we walk in His will, staying in His word daily, talking to Him, and also sharing Him with others, there are many great things He will show us. He goes ahead of us and prepares the way, and acts as a shield.
Song of Solomon 7:10
I belong to my lover,
and his desire is for me.
This is just a fun one that spoke to me yesterday! I love this book! I gave Tim a number of them to mull over. I will be reading a lot of Song of Solomon in the days to come, awaiting Tim's arrival!!

wonder of wonders

2007-10-07T10:19:00.000-07:00

Philippians 4:6
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

God sure provides for His children. As long as we are faithful in our giving to Him, He allows so many miraculous things to come into our lives

Creflo Dollar

2007-10-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

OK, no one else that I know even knows who he is, but Dr Creflo Dollar is one of my all time favorite preachers. He is on TV a lot, and has a church in College Park, Georgia. Well, he came to speak in Memphis today! I just got home from the morning session! I am very big on unity within the cultures, and I was sooo pleased to see that I was NOT the only white person in the room! He is a black preacher, and mannnnn, did we have church! I have always wanted to go to a black church, because I was so interested in their praise and worship styles. I know God calls us to play instruments for Him, but He also wants us to dance and rejoice. Well, being from Southern Baptist churches, I have NEVER seen anyone dance in church! I DANCED TODAY! I was so filled with the Holy Spirit! I wish we could do that at our church. I do, however, get down some in the choir loft at Faith Baptist! There are a few of us who can't contain it! The hands raising up to heaven today were such a blessing to me!

Psalm 150
1 Praise the LORD.
Praise God in his sanctuary;
praise him in his mighty heavens.
2 Praise him for his acts of power;
praise him for his surpassing greatness.
3 Praise him with the sounding of the trumpet,
praise him with the harp and lyre,
4 praise him with tambourine and dancing,
praise him with the strings and flute,
5 praise him with the clash of cymbals,
praise him with resounding cymbals.
6 Let everything that has breath praise the LORD.
Praise the LORD.

He speaks again tonight, but I don't really want to ask my parents to watch the kids again today. But I would love to go again! He preaches Truth and makes no apologies about it. It was so great! And I loved sitting with believers of all colors. I wish my church could be like that. We have so much to learn from on another.

Moms Study

2007-10-04T17:00:00.000-07:00

I went to my Moms Bible Study today. We are studying the book of James. It is a wonderful book of the Bible. He is writing about not favoring one person over another, and we are learning the correlation of the message to motherhood, with multiple children. And James also talks about favoring the rich over the poor. And how we must have Christ in our hearts. It is the condition of the heart, and not the wallet, whether rich or poor. Either one is no better than the other, but it is what you do with what you have that matters to the Lord.

James 2:
8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture,
"Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right.
9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers.
10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point
is guilty of breaking all of it.
11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder."
If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

The power of words

2007-10-03T12:09:00.000-07:00

My Bible studies are talking a lot about words. They have the power to build up, to encourage, or they can tear down, and hurt to the core. Sometimes we can say things, that can hurt someone so bad they may never heal from it, fully. I am dealing with my son's behavior. He is in preschool, and for a while was doing excellent. But as the school year has gotten into full swing, his behavior is getting progressively worse. The classroom setting is not the ideal setting for optimal learning for an ADHD child. The children and teachers can not do what they need with him distracting everyone, and taking time from the learning to be scolded and pulling cards. My big dilemma now is, to leave him in, and watch him pull cards almost everyday, making him 'the bad kid' in class, and have him sit in other classrooms, or the office everyday, or teach him at home, and build him up. I am leaning to the latter. The more he gets into trouble at school, the more I pray about it. At this point, I am not sure, with Tim coming home soon, and holidays, I am not sure about when to take him out. Should I wait till the new year? I have always seen myself homeschooling, but can it be done from inside someone else's home? We live at my parents' house while Tim is gone, and my mom is always home. I will see what happens and make the decision soon. Words are very important. I want him knowing how smart he is-he knows that, his teachers are great about building him up like that, but I don't want him thinking he is the trouble maker. The more I research the ADHD learning style, the classroom setting is not the best. If I do take him out, it will be hard. I love it there. He is in his cousin's classroom, and I get to see my aunt everyday, but I want him to get the best out of this life. And I don't like him coming home at 4 years old, telling me his teachers are saying Oh, God. That is something I tell him is very wrong, and his own teachers say it. I know most people don't care, but I am very sensitive to these things. These are my children, and their education is ultimately in my hands, not the systems. I told Connor last night that if he keeps getting into trouble, we will only be going to school a few more weeks, and then we will do it from home. There is an excellent area home school group, with trips and outings almost daily. He will benefit greatly from that.
Tim is coming soon. I have just thought, I don't have any clothes for him! I am going to start looking for some clothes. And Connor, Katelyn, and myself have cavities, and I have more dental work that I care to tell coming up. All while we are supposed to be saving while he is gone. I am trusting in the Lord, while I give our tithes and offerings every week. 10% can seem like a lot of money, but it is cool to see how He stretches a dollar, when we cannot!

Here are my verses I am focusing on at this time:

Matthew 6:25-34

25"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?
26Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?
27Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?
28"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.
29Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.
30If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?
31So do not worry, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?'
32For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.
33But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
34Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Random Thoughts

2007-10-02T09:39:00.001-07:00

I am sitting here, just finished my two Bible studies of the day, and trying to put together a baby shower for an old friend. And thoughts of making 3 different blankets for 3 different babies coming up, one of which, the baby will not live very long, we know. All the while, being burdened by the fact that finances are not the best, and I could take my son out of school, and teach him here at home, except the sanity of those I am living with, and mine, is at stake! There are so many hurts and tragedies in this life that are not brought to our attention unless we are in the middle of them, or somehow connected to them. There are so many things that can go 'wrong'. Like finding out you are pregnant, then finding out the baby has a disorder and will not live. Or, having a perfectly healthy baby, and that baby dying for no apparent reason, after getting home from the hospital, as was my case. We never know why things like this happens. But one things those who love the Lord know, He knows why, He knows when, and He will take us through it all. He allows suffering to show our true colors. He wants us to use those times to glorify Him. We can choose to turn and run, or we can cling to Him more, praising him through the storm. I am not in an actual storm at this moment, although having my husband on the front lines of a war is tough, and I am in an almost constant state of prayer. I remember my old pastor, Dr Rogers telling us a lot, 'You are either in the storm, just coming out of one, or about to enter one'. There have been times that I have thought to myself, life is too good. I wonder what is about to happen. Those are actually valid thoughts. The hard times are what shapes us into the people God wants us to be. He is perfecting our faith. The hard times are also experienced in order for us to identify honestly with others that will go through it later on. I love praying for mothers and babies, I have an enormous love for them. I pray for a bundle of different moms and their babies to be daily. Only God knows the number of days we have here on earth. But we can lift these women and their babies up to the Lord anyway. God does answer prayers. It may not be what we wanted to hear, but He never fails to give an answer. God gave me a peace about Tim going to the military. If he is going to die, he will die driving down the road, or on the job here in the states. God knows when our time is up. God called Tim to go there, and after about 1 1/2 years of me being stubborn, but talking to God about it, God gave me the word I just spoke about, and a peace that only comes from Him, and I told Tim it was OK. The next day, he was at the recruiting office! He never once pushed me about it, or persuaded me. He let me come to the decision. That man is one of the greatest I have ever met in my life. I am so thankful for him. He is my rock, he is there for me in everything. He is supportive, loving, kind, gentle, yet stern and discerning. I can't wait to see him! He will be here in November for his leave time. The hardest part of having him over there is not worrying. I am by nature, a worrier. But by staying in God's Word daily, God has taken that burden from me. I am now writing with Katelyn on me. I will write more later

How do I do it?

2007-09-29T07:06:00.000-07:00

I am walking up to the cookout. Three kids beside me, each one carrying a food dish. One child is still in her ballet leatoard and tights, with Barbie sandals over them. We arrived at the pavilion with food in hand, when the teacher's wife looks up, and with big eyes, asks "How do you do it?" I made 45 chocolate chip cookies, 40 brownie bites, 2 casseroles of green beans, and about 60 pigs in blankets...all while on the webcam with my husband! I gave him a nice little home cookin show! I thought, hmmm, how do I do it? Well, the Lord is how I do it. He makes me lie down in green pastures. He makes it not hard to get things done. There are hard days. But for the most part, it goes smoothly. I have tried doing it without God's help, and I chose doing it WITH His help! He knows the road, so I let Him guide! Occassionally, I will kind of look at my situation, and think, wow, I have a lot on my plate. But, it is those times, that I can say, truly, thank you, Lord, for carrying me through this.

1 Kings 5:4But now the LORD my God has given me rest on every side, and there is no adversary or disaster.

2 Corinthians 12:9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.

Strange Dream

2007-09-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

I had a very strange dream last night. I can try to put it into words, but how often are we really able to explain a dream? I remember it started by being outside at night. I know this is because last night, the kids and I stood outside and watched the gorgeous, huge, magnificent orange full moon for a long time. We stood there in awe. Connor said to me, "I didn't know God made those kind of moons. I thought they were just white". I told him God can make anything! So, that most likely ushered in the beginning of my dream. Well, in the dream, people were out and about, outside at night. When we noticed the sky. The planets started getting closer and closer and circling the earth, and there were other ones, too, more than we knew about. It occurred to my dreaming mind that theses were angels taking account of what people were doing, and that the end for us was about to happen. Those who had accepted Jesus into their hearts would be taken into a wonderful place! So, as I realized that, I began finding everyone I knew, and talking to them. I had some people choose Jesus, and a few did not. Then, there was a judgement angel, this part is foggy. I just remember those who did not have Jesus being chosen, and pointed at by the angel, and their body fell into ashes on the floor, but their soul went to a horrible place. A place of discontent, bickering, arguing, and just no happiness at all. And those of us saved were called up into a wonderful place! I did not see any wonderful sights in the dream. I just saw this man in a robe, and lots of hair. I IMMEDIATELY knew that was Jesus. He was the most loving, beautiful thing I had ever seen! When we all saw Him, he smiled, and all I could do was run up like a little child and give Him the biggest hug. I remember just saying Thank You! Thank You! Thank You for saving us! We were so happy there. My heart was so fulfilled and euphoric. I remember now, I read the story of the plagues in Exodus last night to the kids, and the Passover, which most likely is where some of this draws from. I woke up thinking, Something to that affect is really going to happen. The dream felt similar to a vision, almost. I would never want to put that dream in the same category as Biblical vision, but it did truly feel like one. God was in that dream. I have had other dreams where I knew it was satan attacking my thoughts even while I slept, but this was definitely God at work. Perhaps to show the reality and urgency of what I am really here for? The judgement most definitely does come. It has already been written. It is finished, we are just playing it out. I need to tell more people that Jesus is the answer. In the end, who cares if I am embarrassed to walk up to them? It is their final eternity at stake.

Mark 16:15-16

15He (Jesus)said to them,
"Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.
16Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved,
but whoever does not believe will be condemned.

Romans 12:12

2007-09-27T18:22:00.000-07:00

Romans 12:12
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.

I have never memorized this verse. I have read it on a friend's website, but thought nothing of it. Never mulling it over and prayerfully considering it. Well, I was on there yesterday, reading some comments of people, and my computer froze. All I could see was that verse there in the side-bar. So, I thought, well this is a good time to look at that verse! Because my pc was stuck on it! So I thought, ok, I am joyful in hope, and Hope is my daughter's name, and she does make me joyful! (LOL Joy is Katelyn's middle name, btw). And, yes, I am, or try to be faithful in prayer. But what was eluding me, hiding itself from me was that middle section: patient in affliction. I believe this is where true maturity begins. If I am not patient in the afflictions, then my faith really means nothing. So, I looked up affliction:

1.a state of great suffering and distress due to adversity
2.A pain, disease, or something that bothers you

It has always been these times of affliction that I hold on and hold on, but eventually wear out and fall way too short. I am trusting God to see me through afflictions. All the while, asking God for a joyful spirit, and being faithful in my prayer. I don't want to go into my personal afflictions, but we all have something that bothers us. If we let that thing take over, it becomes what we are focused on, instead of waiting through it. "This too shall pass" goes the old saying. I cannot let everyday bothers get in the way of my eternal goal. It has been my calling since I was a teenager to have a family. My duty to them is to serve the Lord with gladness. This Psalm comes to mind, how my life should be

Psalm 100
1 Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
2 Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
3 Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are his;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
and his courts with praise;
give thanks to him and praise his name.
5 For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
his faithfulness continues through all generations.

And if I live a life of faithfulness, my whole family, for generations to come, will benefit. I am writing things on their little hearts all day, everyday. How I choose to spend those days are vital. How they see me, and how I handle and react to situations and circumstances, that is how they will act, and react as adults, and for the most part as children. If they see true, unwaivering faith in their parents, they will have strong faith as a foundation for their life. If they hear me teach one thing, but not do what I am teaching in my own life, that will lead to confusion and searching, to who knows where? I want to live as David wrote in Psalm 100, with thanksgiving, faithfulness, praising Him forever. It is hard, when everyone around you is watching, waiting to see what you are doing, these are the times to be patient in the affliction. Like Jean Stockdale says in our study of James:

Mirror, mirror on the wall....

Who do I see when I look in the mirror? Who do my children see?

To each, his own

2007-09-26T13:08:00.000-07:00

Every child is unique, right? How often do we get caught up in making them conform to the norm? My son is hyperactive. He is also very, let me emphasize VERY smart.
He is in choir and they had their first performance Sunday night. He did excellent at practice, and I was so excited, because my mom was coming to watch and I was also singing that night. Well, time came to do his 3 songs, and he got up there, and, along with all the preschoollers, he sang all of them, movements and all, without missing a beat. Now, what was different about his performance within the group songs, was that as all the others were doing their songs at the same time, my sone, had put his right leg 3 steps up, behind his body, and his left foot on the correct step. The first son was "He's got the whole World in His hands". And my mom and I were motioning to him (we were on the front row) to put his feet together. As he looked out at us, he looked so proud, paid no attention, and gave thumbs up and kept on singing, and doing the motions! I then whispered to my mom "the next song involves feet and hands, he'll surely stand on one step". So, they began "I'm in the Lord's Army". He did the entire song on the same steps as before. He marched by hopping back and forth on one leg, then the other, he galoped in the calvary, on steps 3 apart, and flew the same, o'er the enemy. Now, I finally stopped telling him to do it 'right'. He did everything right...but his own way. He didn't bother anyone, and in the end showed himself to be even more skilled than the rest lol.

Jeremiah 1
4 The word of the LORD came to me, saying,
5 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."
6 "Ah, Sovereign LORD,"
I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child."
7 But the LORD said to me, "Do not say, 'I am only a child.'
You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.
8 Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

God gave Connor these talents for a reason, and who am I to stifle them? He is a natural born leader, and recently told me he wants to be a teacher. I want to be here to mold those creative ideas and energies, rather than say "DOn't do it like THAT!!!" What if the Lord calls him to Preach? That energy on stage could be used for His glory, and my negative voice could do damage. Use your words for encouragement.

Don't Look at Me

2007-09-25T07:15:00.000-07:00

You know, after years and years of the ebbing and flowing of my life, I am really, now, trying and striving to live for Jesus, without being disappointed by people around me. I have, way too often, backslidden because of others letting me down. The song "Don't Look At Me" really is true, but I have to put it as "Don't Look at Them" If you are not familiar with the lyrics, here they are:

by Stacie Orrico

Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me
I will only let you down
I'll do my best to point you in the right directon
But don't look at me
No, no, no
Don't look at me, look at Him

Sometimes I have a fear
That you will see a mirror
And get the thought that it's the main attraction
But all that you detect
Is just what I reflect
Of the object of my own affection
I'll lead you to the One I found
He'll give you everything you need

Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me
I will only let you down
I'll do my best to point you in the right direction
But dont' look at me
No, no, no
Dont' look at me, look at Him

It's understandable to want a hero
But people can't meet all your expectations
Still some can teach you things about the love He brings
Just know the source of life is in the Savior
I'll lead you to the One I found
He'll give you everything you need

Don't look at me if you're looking for perfection
Don't look at me
I will only let you down
I'll do my best to point you in the right direction
But don't look at me
No,no, no
Don't look at me, look at Him

He's the One who lived a perfect life
He's the One who always gets it right
He's the One and only guiding light, Ohh, yeah
He is everthing you want to be
He's the answer to your every need
If you follow Him then you will see
He's like no other
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh yeah

I'll do my best to point you in the right direction
But don't look at me
No, no, no
Don't look at me
Oh, dont look at me
I'll only let you down
I'll do my best to point you in the right direction
no no no no no oh oh look at Him yeah, yeah

1 Corinthians 11:1
Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.

I can glean from the wisdom of other Christians, but ultimately, I need to keep my focus on Jesus. If I do, I will never be let down, or disappointed in Him. People will ALWAYS let us down. We are not perfect. Yet, we should not be satisfied by where we are today, but strive to be more like Christ, who is the author and perfector of our faith. I want to keep these thoughts in my mind, as I live in a Christian family, who do not always live up to what I think they should be. It doesn't matter what I think. My life should reflect Christ, and draw others to the sweet aroma of His love.

ALL things

2007-09-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28 )

Isn't it neat how, when you are living close to God, you see things almost constantly that coincide with everything you are studying, or doing in life? Examples:

I have been thinking a lot about the song:

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus
Look full in His wonderful face
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His Glory and Grace"

Then, the other day, I was reading a friends' blog, and there it was, written out, being on her heart a lot lately, too.
Little affirmations are so sweet.
Then, I wrote the other day about the verse about walking in the valley of the shadow of death. Well, today, I read another of a mentor's blog, what was it about? Same reference! Cool!
The best one of the week, happened in 3rd service yesterday morning.
I was in the choir loft...with only a few of us, because the rest of the choir was coming back from their retreat, I look out, and some DEAR friends of mine are out there front and center. I almost fell down! I had prayed for that family the DAY before, for about 2 hours, literally. The entire time I was riding our John Deere tractor cutting my parents land! This family is the one who has been told the lie I spoke of previously, about me going out and cheating, etc. I KNEW God would show the truth, and what better way for that family to know what was really going on, than to see me up there singing praises! Thank you, Lord.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose” (Rom. 8:28 )

May I be this guy

2007-09-22T17:00:00.000-07:00

Only in Millington, TN will you find an old man happily driving down the road, with absolutely no hood on his truck! I took the kids to pick up some pizza tonight, and had to drive into Millington, since there are no deliveries out in my neck of the woods. We got caught in a huge traffic jam, though, on our way..yeah, wierd, out in the country traffic jam. The annual blue angels air show was today, apparently. So, anyway, we were driving back home with our pizza, and the man in the truck passed by. I thought, how happy he looks! Well, then I was thinking, I can see everything under his hood, since his hood is not there. And we are called to walk blameless, and if we are, we can walk confidently exposed to the world. I love to blog and have gotten used to sharing my innermost thoughts in them at times. And why not? If they are pure, then shouldn't they be seen? Of course, some things should not be seen! But, for the most part, I would like to walk as an exposed, transparent person. What you see is what you get.

Deuteronomy 18:13
You must be blameless before the LORD your God.

Psalm 15
A psalm of David.

1 LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

2 He whose walk is blameless
and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart

3 and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,

4 who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath
even when it hurts,

5 who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things
will never be shaken.

The Lord Told Him To Go

2007-09-21T16:51:00.001-07:00

Let me tell you readers, if there are any out there, being a mom is such an important job. I am wondering right this second if God gives us those first 2-4 years of the child's life, where their memory does not begin, to tweak us into at least finding the right road, and getting on the right path!
It is within these first years, that I lost my firstborn, and adopted my first! Then, within the same 3 years, had 2 more! And, having the third baby in 3 years, while I was 2,500 miles away from family and old friends, and the comfort of my old church. It was 2 years away that was very hard for me. I struggled to find a church. It took us literally four months to find one. Honestly! We were on the west coast, in Washington state, and they are few and far between. The ones we DID see were all Catholic, and Catholic-esc. So, we actually found one around the corner, which was down a side street we never would have turned down, since we didn't really have much going on. Well, God did bring that church family into our lives. And it was walking distance, and we were living with 1 car! So, I would get out my double stroller, put Connor (2) and Katelyn (1) in, then, attach Hope (newborn) into one of my many slings, snugli's, and eventually baby backpacks (yes, I wore my babies!) and trecked along in the Seattle drizzle to and from church! It was an exciting time, and a great experience. There are some things that happened after a while, (not related to that at all, but sort of!) that I am not sure I will write about for now, but it rocked our world, and ultimately, led to major decisions of the heart and major choices that impacted our family. So, in the end, I left Washington drained, ungodly, and ready to be home back in Memphis. I was looking forward to this long time back home as a time of recuperation and a time of taking a step back, and falling back in love with my Saviour! I hate the fact that I get out of fellowship at times. For me, it is as simple as the radio staition I listen to, the people I am around. And most importantly, did I read my Bible today? Those 3 things should be a part of EVERYone's lives. If they are not, your life is not being lived to its fullest, and whether you admit it or not, you know there is something missing.
So, here is my path back to the Lord's street:
I LOVE music!! (and if you study the Bible, so does Satan..who is Lucifer, the angel of music..aghem)
I also know that car rides with 3 toddler/preschoolers can be trying. So, one day, driving to the store, or friends house, not sure, the kids were going crazy, as was the usual scenerio. The Lord laid it on my heart, to just turn on KLOVE and see. See what happens to their spirits. See if I change the station, will it change the spirit in the car? Well, I did it, and it worked! They immediately calmed down, and fell asleep. I'm thinking, I can get used to this!! I am for what works, and this worked! So, everytime I got in with the kids, which is everytime I get in, I turned it on, and they were great! So, after a while, I started singing along with the songs, which made my heart focus more on the Lord, and getting good things in my mind. It has all come rushing back, before I had my first baby, who died of SIDS, I was THE MOM! I was ready. All I had wanted since I could remember was to get married and have children. I wanted lots of them, and I wanted to stay home, etc. I was so excited. I had our future all planned out in my mind! Two days before I had my daughter, I was going through my weekly Bible verse in my Beth Moore study, or was it Dee Brestin? And the memory verse, which I would post on my fridge every week, and really learn, was a section of the 23rd Psalm, which is in bold:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

No, I knew as soon as I read it, that things would never be the same, and I did not memorize it. I know that the Lord prepares you for things that are going to happen, in His own way. That was His way of getting me ready. A direct message from His word. This passage has meant so much for me since then, but not in a good way. I have focused too much on walking in the valley of the shadow of death. I am learning as I mature in the Lord, that there is so much more to this passage. That is not the end! It is promise that EVEN THOUGH we live here in this hellacious place, going through terrible trials and times of tribulations, He is there, My shepherd, comforting me, showing me the way to go, I don't have to roam alone. And He invites us to dwell in His home, forever. I want to live the rest of the Psalm, not meditate on the sadness life here on earth has to offer.
So, off that subject a little.
After going through the loss of Abby, we are blessed with Connor. There are not enough hours to tell of all the things surrounding him, but I do believe we lost Abby for a reason, and Connor came to us in perfect timing! His middle name is Jaden, which means "God has heard"! How cool is that?
So, again, let me get my thoughts together, I am totally off of the original title subject now. I'm getting there, don't worry! So, I have been striving to make the efforts necessary to come back into the Courts of the Lord. I long to stay in His presence. It is a place of perfect peace. Sometimes, while we are worshipping in the choir loft at church, I close my eyes, and the stage lights feel like His Spirit shining down and blessing us, and I have faith that it is!
I am doing well. I make SURE to read His Word everyday, and have now gotten myself into many group studies, and while I am there, my kids are in their own classes. Connor has choir, and then they all have Mission Friends, which they learn about people all over the world. So, Here is my round about way of getting back to my reason for writing (if you know me, you are used to the details before the real story :)
So, Connor is very smart! I teach and talk to all of the children about the Lord, and even have their Bible's that we read everyday. Well, Connor tells me this afternoon as were leaving Katelyn's dance class, "Mommy, mommy, I need to go tell those girls that my daddy is in Iraq". Well, I made him put on his Crocs first, so it took a second, we were sitting on the side of the van. He runs up to a mommy and little girl that were out on the little porch getting the girls ballet shoes on, and he said "Hey! My daddy is in Iraq!!...Yeah, The Lord leaded him there!"
All this to tell you, that, what we do, how we talk, EVERYTHING about us will reflect in our children. Connor, as a 4 year old boy, understands on some level, that God has led Tim over to Iraq. I don't think I told him those words! I have told him things like that. I teach them that, if you follow God, read your Bible, and pray and talk to the Lord, that He will lead you in the way He wants us to go. I wonder why God had Connor tell that family that? I know there is a reason!

Phew...
The End

Moms Group

2007-09-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

I went to Mom's today. I have been praying pretty hard for some strong Christian women to come into my life, and yesterday, while at a play date at the park, an old friend from Bellevue hears my always widely audible voice, and says from across the way "is that you, Jessica?" (by the way, this happens often, people hearing my very recognizable voice while I am out and about, and yelling out "is that you, Jessica?" lol) I look up and it is someone I was very close to for a time. I miss her and ran to greet and hug her. We caught up as much as we could with literally 7 children running through our legs and my other girlfriend's legs! So, having been praying for more godly friends to have around me, I start asking what she has going on during the week. She told me she started Moms at Bellevue last week, which I have been in before, and actually used to work in the nursery for the moms that went. I have since started attending a different church, but felt like I should go. I got her email and the time to be there, and the kids and I went this morning. It was a wonderful morning, just what I needed. I am so glad God sent us both to that 'random' park that I have never even taken the kids to, before yesterday. While at Moms, I was also able to catch up with a lot of old friends of mine that I had not seen in a couple of years, because of our living in Washington for two years. I did, however, have affirmation that I am indeed in the right church, and did not feel welcome the least bit in the nursery there. I hope they are nicer to other women. The feeling I get there, at the nursery desk, is one that makes me feel so bad that I almost don't even want to come. But I know it is things like that that will keep me out of church. and that is not right, either. So, I will put on a smile, walk past those people, and get to my class where I feel welcomed, and loved, as I should!!

Upsetting News, with Triumphant Endings

2007-09-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

Today has been great, until I get some news of what is being said about me. My husband and I decided to delete our Myspace accounts while he is deployed, due to attacks from the enemy that could occur. I have kept my actual account, simply because I have 200 blogs and a lot of pictures I want to keep, but I do not have even 1 friend on there. Well, it came to my attention that the enemy is at work even while we are not there. Here is the words of an old 'friend' to another about me:

I am not saying who, but it is a fellow army wife, who, by the way, has NO contact with me:

"I dont know really. All I know is that she wasn't allowed to talk to Murphy (or any other male for that matter). Tim made her "delete" her myspace, but I dont think she did. She just has a "deleted" picture as her display picture which makes everyone think her profile is deleted. If you click on it...why does it still show her profile as "private" and say her last login is 9-??-07? I haven't talked to her either (and sure as hell dont plan to), but word has it that she quit her job (when she told Tim a different story of course...she's always lying to him) but yeah, she's partying every night and leavin the kids with babysitters all the time which are usually her parents. I dont know why Tim would "ban" her from Murphy and everyone else though. Probably cause she's cheatin' on him. I wouldn't doubt it....the way she is... "

" yeah, well...I think Tim is better off without her anyway! Poor guy doesn't deserve this. but...I feel sorry for the kids. She is a terrible mother. "

What???
Where is this person getting any of this??
And I would like to add that my husband and I guard our marriage relationship, and if there are people of the opposite sex talking a lot to us, we guard our hearts and err on the side of caution. This being said, his work buddies and I had been communicating via messages, and he asked me to stop writing them back, and I obliged, as a good wife should, and that is all!

Ok, I have been with my husband for 9 years this December. I have NEVER cheated. Anyone who knows either of us would know better than to say anything of the sort. I live with my parents, and I do not go out. Where this person gets her information is beyond me. All I know is that we are Bible believing Christian people, and fully knew and expected attacks of this sort while he is gone. This is the first of its kind, but certainly not the last. We both are in the Word everyday, and Satan hates that fact. This is yet another attack on a Christian home, mom, and family. We will not stand for it, and am bringing it into the Light right now.

Jeremiah 29:11:
For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future and a hope.

Deuteronomy 33:29
29 Blessed are you, O Israel!
Who is like you,
a people saved by the LORD ?
He is your shield and helper
and your glorious sword.
Your enemies will cower before you,
and you will trample down their high places. [a]

Psalm 13
4 my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing to the LORD,
for he has been good to me.

Leave the juice, we're going to church!

2007-09-17T06:49:00.000-07:00

I feel so many times throughout my day, and especially throughout each week, there are occurences that can hinder my walk with the Lord. I must choose, consiously, to do what I ought to, and not what my sometimes first instinct is. For instance, I am about to get the kids in the car and HAD to jot this down. I was checking my email before leaving. I have to drop Connor off at preschool, then the girls and I are headed to church for my Bible study, and their class. So, I hear the fridge door jolt open, and I hear liquids splatter and my youngest child standing there babbling something about 'uh-oh, juicey'! Well, I had to smile, because we are just about to walk out the door. I could get upset and spend 30 minutes cleaning it up really good, or I could get the worst of it up, like the pool of o.j. in the bottom, and on the tiles, and come clean it better in 2 hours. God puts these little thoughts in my head. This one was
"leave the juice, we're going to church" I thought it was funny and wanted to keep it!
Off to school and church now!!

Shackles

2007-09-12T19:43:00.000-07:00

Today was quite different than I had hoped or planned. Let me back up to two years ago. I was visiting town for 2 months over the holiday season, about to go back to Ft Lewis. The night before I was to get on the plane with the kids and reunite witith Tim, I ran a red light, the ONLY time I have ever done anything like that!! I was shocked and and totally freaked out, with Hope in the car with me!! I could have killed all of us..not to mention the police man that was crossing the intersection the second I ran the red light. He told me he thought we had hit him. Well, I pulled over when I realized what had happened, and when the policeman came to the car and ran my license, it came up that it was suspended. What? I didn't even know. It turned out it was something about insurance. Again, I had no idea. So, long story short, my mother in law came and drove me back to my parents' house and the police let me go home, and told me we could take care of it through mail. I even tried to come get 'booked' that midnight, so I wouldn't get in any trouble. No, they said don't worry about it...my dad is kind of well known in the political/law enforcement world here in town..that is why they said that. So I flew home, and attempted TWICE to get things taken care of. And my mom made multiple calls, with no progress.
Fast forward to now. So, apparently, since I was not here in town, they issued a warrent on me. Well, I have been putting off taking care of it because of the whole sticky situation that it has been this whole time. I didn't know how the clerks were going to receive the story. Well, I was in my room doing my Bible study this morning, and my mom, as she has often done, came in and asked me to go try to get it all taken care of and squared away. I said, well, I don't have any money to give them, and she told me they would most likely work out a payment schedule. So, She took Katelyn with her to run errands, I had already taken Connor to school, and I took Hope along with me. I get there, having asked God to go ahead of me, and prepare the way and the hearts of all involved. I tell the lady at the desk that apparently I have a warrent and need to see what needed to be done. Well, really long story short, I was arrested today, after going in myself. I stayed in jail for 2 hours till my mom posted my $750 bail. I now have to be in court at the end of October. I stayed in a cell, on a concrete bench and cried and prayed the whole time. I cried all the way through the mug shots, fingerprinting and everything! I could not believe it happened. I was in shock. To make things worse, there was a guy behind the desk that asked if I had a brother named Tim. I said, THAT"S MY HUSBAND!!! I wa utterly humiliated. But I now have a small taste of what the new testament apostles felt when they were thrown in jail. I know it is totally different, but it felt the same when I was there. I had done what I could, and I was in jail for reasons out of my hands. I was not a criminal. I have never been in trouble with the law. My entire family IS the law!! And to top off my day, I broke off 1/4 of my bottom back tooth, and right at 5pm, so now I have a gapping hole in my tooth, ripping my tongue to shreds. So, tonight, I marched the kids into church, and sat in service, and then proceeded to choir practice to worship the Lord. To God be the GLORY!!! My day began and ended in HIM!! And that is what matters most.

Living with Hope

2007-09-07T16:48:00.000-07:00

Tim called. All is well, for my family, that is. Somewhere, there are other military wives and children mourning the loss of their husband and daddy. Some days the thought of not having the love of my life by my side for another year bogs me down, to where I cannot see a light at the end of the tunnel. I am staying in God's Word, and He teaches me so much every day. The Bible says it is like a mirror, for us to examine ourselves. Lately, unlike never before in my life, I am seeing the 'worm' I really am, as the pastor spoke of Sunday. It almost makes me sick, when I think of who we are on the inside. Not that I am any worse than any other person on earth. My hope is to be blameless. I have been examining myself a lot, and just want to be the person I am supposed to be. To raise the children I have been given, with the direction of the Lord. To stop hurting so bad for the child I lost, and look to God for strength to keep going, doing what I had started in the beginning, before I lost her. Tim will be here for his r&r in November sometime, and I can't wait! I pray so hard for his safety.

Through the rain

2007-09-05T11:48:00.000-07:00

Today, Abby died, 5 years ago. Also, there was news of 2 or 3 soldiers dying from a road side bomb in Baghdad today.
Tim hasn't called, which is normal when something happens.
The wierd thing is that I keep smellign white lillies. Now, I have been asking for prayers, and it dawned on me as I write this, that is it the Holy Spirit's presence? Is it so strong that I can smell it? Or is it that Tim has passed on, and it is the Holy Spirit preparing me for the men in Class A's awaiting my arrival at home? I am at work right now, in a small law office in Bartlett. There are so many things going through my mind.
And even though I don't know if my love is alive or dead, each time this happens, my mind starts going through how I will live off the life insurance money if he is gone. How to make it go as far as possible. If only he would call. Just to hear his voice. But the neatest thing is, Jesus is right here. He is my shepherd. His rod and staff, they comfort me. The grass whithers, the flower fades, but the Word of God shall stand forever. No matter if Tim is here or there, alive or in heaven, I know, one day, we will all be gone from this earth, but my God will still be forever. My heart knows, even if Tim is alive, one day, his day, as all of ours, will come to be his last. So, why worry so much. The days of grieving will come, either now or later, and God will be here, holding me up on His shoulders. I literally feel exalted in prayer, if those are the right words for it. Like I am hanging in the balance. Under normal, earthly, circumstances, I would be inconsolable, being it our daughter's 5 year anniversary of her death and just past her 5th birthday. But, no, I read 4 books of the Bible today! How's that for Grace? And, speaking of Grace, that was our baby's middle name.
Glory to God in the highest.

This week in my life

2007-09-04T16:23:00.000-07:00

God has been changing me and shaping me into more of what He wants me to be since I asked Jesus into my life at 6 years of age. There were years of no growth, and years of tremendous growth. The years of little or no growth were totally my own doing..or doing nothing. I have so much to say, but it will come in time. For now, I just wanted to get down what has been going on the last few days, weeks.
I have been visiting a new church for almost a month now. I have been overwhelmingly blessed since the day we walked in. It seems that everything I have been wanting for my family is in this church family. The choir, which I am now a member of, is smaller than I am used to, but it is wonderful. They have been so welcoming and helpful as I get my feet wet. I get numerous emails daily from different members, some telling me welcome to choir and some telling me they are praying for me...my husband is in Iraq, might I add. And the last week has been especially rough for me, because 5 years ago I had and lost my first child. She lived only 2 days and died unexpectedly only hours after we arrived home with her. Today is the only full day she was alive. I feel the prayers holding me together. I opened up about it in my class at church, and also via email to my choir friends. I was not going to, but really felt the Lord leading me to share my pains, because we are told to share our burdens. I am so glad that I did, because now there are many people lifting me up right now. THis year has been especially hard wince Tim is gone. Tim is my rock. He is the one I collapse on when times are hard. He is such a quiet strength for me. I am learning more about leaning on Jesus though this time of separation. The other day, he called me from the front lines, and told me to read Proverbs 31:11-12. I already knew the gist of the verses, from years of Bible study. But both of our phones were dying and he just wanted me to read it, because he had read it that day, and said "you have to read it, it is about you". Tim is still fairly new to the Bible reading. Little did he know that those verses describe the virtuous woman of the Bible. So I went and grabbed the Bible, already opened on the kitchen table, and got my mom in the room, and started reading...and sobbing..aloud. My favorite translation, the New American Standard Bible puts it this way:

Proverbs 31:

11The heart of her husband trusts in her,
And he will have no lack of gain.

12She does him good and not evil
All the days of her life.

I am thrilled that my husband hold me in this regard. I love him so much. I just pray he comes home to the kids and me. While I am here alone, I am learning more about the peace God gives me through reading His Word, and though the fellowship of other believers. 15 months is a very long time to be away from your husband, but I have the love of Christ to fill the hole in my heart. What more could I ask for? It is enough.

The Vessel Hasn't Broken

2007-05-24T12:53:00.000-07:00

(THIS IS FROM A MYSPACE BLOG, AND I WANTED TO PUT IT HERE. This is actually the way I have come to a deeper understanding and fear of the Lord, and thus, have been able to grow in His true love)

AND IN VESSEL, I MEAN ME. AND WHAT DO I MEAN? WELL, THOSE OF YOU WHO REALLY KNOW ME, KNOW THAT GOD CHANNELS THINGS THROUGH ME VERY STRONGLY. WELL, I HAVE TROUBLE WITH IT A LOT, SO I TRY NOT TO FOCUS ON IT, BUT IT HAS BEEN PRODDING A LOT THE LAST LITTLE WHILE. I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOULSEARCHING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. IT ISN'T THAT I STOPPED BELIEVING IN GOD, BUT THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CREATED THIS WORLD, FOR HIS PLEASURE. WHICH GOT ME ON THE SUBJECT OF HOW IS THINK HE IS NOT A LOVE CENTERED GOD. I WENT THROUGH ALL MY THOUGHTS, AND COMPLIED A LOT OF NEW WISDOM. ME AND SARA TALKED A LOT ABOUT THESE THINGS LAST NIGHT, AND HERE IS WHAT SHE BLOGGED LATE LAST NIGHT (:SHE BASICALLY IS QUOTING ME). LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:

BY SARA HARVEY
Heaven or Hell... wanna play along?
My sister and i sat down and had a long deep talk about Christianity and salvation. She had a very interesting theory. Everything in life that we go through is all just a part of God's little game. It's his version of "LIFE".
Is God really a compassionate, loving, caring God?? Or is he a jealous, selfish, and humorous God that laughs at our misfortune??..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />
God is all-powerful. He didn't have to do this to us. If He wanted to he could have just made everyone care free and happy. No sin, no free will, no predestined to burn in hell. But he chose to give us that. So we are stuck here to play along with His game while He sits back, watches and laughs and waves His finger. It all boils down to one simple fact.
If you don't chose God you will burn in Hell forever. It's as simple as that. It's so simple right?? I don't think it's free will at all. I think that whether you want to or not, you better chose God if you want to live. It's not only based on love and compassion. It's based on Fear and fact. "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." Wise people make wise choices. God lays it all out. It's not so lovey dovey sweet and simple. It's here I am. Take it or die.
In a good way, once you realize this, and you fear God, you will grow wiser and closer to God and you will then experience the love of God. But it's not what you learn in church. There's so much more. There's a much scarier and serious side to it.
Christians are all so hypocritical too right? Why should you believe what we say when we say we believe and then we go and act like pagans? Well, I am a hypocrite, but I still believe in God. What does that say?
It says that I'm human. You are a hypocrite. What is your belief? Does your hypocrisy mean that your beliefs are untrue? No. It means you are human. We are all hypocrites because we live in a fallen world and we are all a part of a game of surviving life and making the right decision.
We have to choose to follow God in everything we do each day or we are tortured forever. If you continue to live by going against the rules, you will never be happy. You can still grow and prosper, but you can believe that God isn't going to let you have everything you could if you don't choose Him. It's simply a fish traveling upstream; a poor man trying to get rich at a casino. The odds are all against you. You might get lucky once or twice, but in the end you lose. So do you really have a choice??
No.
SO IT ISN'T THAT I AM BEING NEGATIVE OR CYNICAL, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WHEN YOU ARE PLAYING HIS WAY, HE KEEPS YOU UNDER HIS WING. I BELIEVE HE DOES LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. BUT I HAVE A NEW FOUND APPRECIATION FOR "THE FEAR OF GOD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM" BECAUSE, OK, HE IS IN CONTROL OF THIS WORLD, AND, OK, HE DID GIVE US THIS GAME TO PLAY. SO I WANT TO PROSPER, HAVE PEACE IN MY HEART, ETC. SO MY CHOICE IS..BE SCARED OF THE GAME, KNOWING THAT IF I PLAY IT BY THE RULES, I WILL HAVE LIFE, WITHOUT SADNESS, FOREVER, AND LIFE NOW, IN ABUNDANCE, AND IF I DON'T CHOOSE TO GO ALONG, WELL, THEN THAT IS JUST DUMB, BECAUSE THE RULES HAVE BEEN LAID OUT. AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE IN YOUR HEART IF YOU PLAY BY YOUR OWN MADE UP RULES. i HAVE STARTED RAMBLING NOW. I BET THIS SOUNDS REALLY RETERDED. I AM NOT GOING TO EDIT RIGHT NOW. BUT I AM GOING TO ADD TO THIS LATER.

OH, AND, I TOOK A STEP BACK AND LOOKED AT GOD, JST FOR WHO HE IS, OR WHO I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT HE IS, AND THEN WHO I HAVE FOUND HIM TO BE. THEN LOOKED AT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS. MIXED IT ALL TOGETHER, AND ABOVE ARE SOME OF THE CONCLUSIONS THAT I HAVE COME TO. I NEEDED TO PULL AWAY FROM THE ROOTS I HAD, TO SEE WHY SHOULD THE ONE I CALL GOD BE THE REAL ONE? MY FINDING? BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE. IN THE HOSPITAL CANCER WARDS, LIKE ST JUDE, MY COUSIN, ALONG WITH MANY MANY KIDS, SEE ANGELS, AND JESUS THOUGH THE WINGS AND IN THE ROOMS. MT COUSIN HAD A BRAIN TUMOR, AND HAS STORIES, SO DO SO MANY KIDS AND ADULTS. WHAT I HAD ONDERED WAS "ARE THERE STORIES OF THE KIDS CLOSE TO THE OTHER SIDE, SEEING ALLAH, MUHAMMAD, ETC?" I ALWAYS HEAR THAT IT IS JESUS. AND ALSO, THERE ARE NONCHRISTIAN COUNTRIES, I AM TALKING REMOTE AREAS THAT HAVE NEVER HAD MISSIONARIES, WHERE PEOPLE HAVE DREAMS OF "JESU" OR SOME FORM OF THE WORD JESUS. HOW STRANGE IS THAT? AND YOU CAN NOT DENY THE POWER OF READING THE BIBLE. IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ IT CONSECUTIVELY FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME, YOU ARE MISSING WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED SUPERNATURAL. READ IT AND SEE.