The Lord Told Him To Go

Let me tell you readers, if there are any out there, being a mom is such an important job. I am wondering right this second if God gives us those first 2-4 years of the child's life, where their memory does not begin, to tweak us into at least finding the right road, and getting on the right path!
It is within these first years, that I lost my firstborn, and adopted my first! Then, within the same 3 years, had 2 more! And, having the third baby in 3 years, while I was 2,500 miles away from family and old friends, and the comfort of my old church. It was 2 years away that was very hard for me. I struggled to find a church. It took us literally four months to find one. Honestly! We were on the west coast, in Washington state, and they are few and far between. The ones we DID see were all Catholic, and Catholic-esc. So, we actually found one around the corner, which was down a side street we never would have turned down, since we didn't really have much going on. Well, God did bring that church family into our lives. And it was walking distance, and we were living with 1 car! So, I would get out my double stroller, put Connor (2) and Katelyn (1) in, then, attach Hope (newborn) into one of my many slings, snugli's, and eventually baby backpacks (yes, I wore my babies!) and trecked along in the Seattle drizzle to and from church! It was an exciting time, and a great experience. There are some things that happened after a while, (not related to that at all, but sort of!) that I am not sure I will write about for now, but it rocked our world, and ultimately, led to major decisions of the heart and major choices that impacted our family. So, in the end, I left Washington drained, ungodly, and ready to be home back in Memphis. I was looking forward to this long time back home as a time of recuperation and a time of taking a step back, and falling back in love with my Saviour! I hate the fact that I get out of fellowship at times. For me, it is as simple as the radio staition I listen to, the people I am around. And most importantly, did I read my Bible today? Those 3 things should be a part of EVERYone's lives. If they are not, your life is not being lived to its fullest, and whether you admit it or not, you know there is something missing.
So, here is my path back to the Lord's street:
I LOVE music!! (and if you study the Bible, so does Satan..who is Lucifer, the angel of music..aghem)
I also know that car rides with 3 toddler/preschoolers can be trying. So, one day, driving to the store, or friends house, not sure, the kids were going crazy, as was the usual scenerio. The Lord laid it on my heart, to just turn on KLOVE and see. See what happens to their spirits. See if I change the station, will it change the spirit in the car? Well, I did it, and it worked! They immediately calmed down, and fell asleep. I'm thinking, I can get used to this!! I am for what works, and this worked! So, everytime I got in with the kids, which is everytime I get in, I turned it on, and they were great! So, after a while, I started singing along with the songs, which made my heart focus more on the Lord, and getting good things in my mind. It has all come rushing back, before I had my first baby, who died of SIDS, I was THE MOM! I was ready. All I had wanted since I could remember was to get married and have children. I wanted lots of them, and I wanted to stay home, etc. I was so excited. I had our future all planned out in my mind! Two days before I had my daughter, I was going through my weekly Bible verse in my Beth Moore study, or was it Dee Brestin? And the memory verse, which I would post on my fridge every week, and really learn, was a section of the 23rd Psalm, which is in bold:

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul; He guides me in the paths of righteousness For His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil; My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.


No, I knew as soon as I read it, that things would never be the same, and I did not memorize it. I know that the Lord prepares you for things that are going to happen, in His own way. That was His way of getting me ready. A direct message from His word. This passage has meant so much for me since then, but not in a good way. I have focused too much on walking in the valley of the shadow of death. I am learning as I mature in the Lord, that there is so much more to this passage. That is not the end! It is promise that EVEN THOUGH we live here in this hellacious place, going through terrible trials and times of tribulations, He is there, My shepherd, comforting me, showing me the way to go, I don't have to roam alone. And He invites us to dwell in His home, forever. I want to live the rest of the Psalm, not meditate on the sadness life here on earth has to offer.
So, off that subject a little.
After going through the loss of Abby, we are blessed with Connor. There are not enough hours to tell of all the things surrounding him, but I do believe we lost Abby for a reason, and Connor came to us in perfect timing! His middle name is Jaden, which means "God has heard"! How cool is that?
So, again, let me get my thoughts together, I am totally off of the original title subject now. I'm getting there, don't worry! So, I have been striving to make the efforts necessary to come back into the Courts of the Lord. I long to stay in His presence. It is a place of perfect peace. Sometimes, while we are worshipping in the choir loft at church, I close my eyes, and the stage lights feel like His Spirit shining down and blessing us, and I have faith that it is!
I am doing well. I make SURE to read His Word everyday, and have now gotten myself into many group studies, and while I am there, my kids are in their own classes. Connor has choir, and then they all have Mission Friends, which they learn about people all over the world. So, Here is my round about way of getting back to my reason for writing (if you know me, you are used to the details before the real story :)
So, Connor is very smart! I teach and talk to all of the children about the Lord, and even have their Bible's that we read everyday. Well, Connor tells me this afternoon as were leaving Katelyn's dance class, "Mommy, mommy, I need to go tell those girls that my daddy is in Iraq". Well, I made him put on his Crocs first, so it took a second, we were sitting on the side of the van. He runs up to a mommy and little girl that were out on the little porch getting the girls ballet shoes on, and he said "Hey! My daddy is in Iraq!!...Yeah, The Lord leaded him there!"
All this to tell you, that, what we do, how we talk, EVERYTHING about us will reflect in our children. Connor, as a 4 year old boy, understands on some level, that God has led Tim over to Iraq. I don't think I told him those words! I have told him things like that. I teach them that, if you follow God, read your Bible, and pray and talk to the Lord, that He will lead you in the way He wants us to go. I wonder why God had Connor tell that family that? I know there is a reason!

Phew...
The End