Today, Abby died, 5 years ago. Also, there was news of 2 or 3 soldiers dying from a road side bomb in Baghdad today.
Tim hasn't called, which is normal when something happens.
The wierd thing is that I keep smellign white lillies. Now, I have been asking for prayers, and it dawned on me as I write this, that is it the Holy Spirit's presence? Is it so strong that I can smell it? Or is it that Tim has passed on, and it is the Holy Spirit preparing me for the men in Class A's awaiting my arrival at home? I am at work right now, in a small law office in Bartlett. There are so many things going through my mind.
And even though I don't know if my love is alive or dead, each time this happens, my mind starts going through how I will live off the life insurance money if he is gone. How to make it go as far as possible. If only he would call. Just to hear his voice. But the neatest thing is, Jesus is right here. He is my shepherd. His rod and staff, they comfort me. The grass whithers, the flower fades, but the Word of God shall stand forever. No matter if Tim is here or there, alive or in heaven, I know, one day, we will all be gone from this earth, but my God will still be forever. My heart knows, even if Tim is alive, one day, his day, as all of ours, will come to be his last. So, why worry so much. The days of grieving will come, either now or later, and God will be here, holding me up on His shoulders. I literally feel exalted in prayer, if those are the right words for it. Like I am hanging in the balance. Under normal, earthly, circumstances, I would be inconsolable, being it our daughter's 5 year anniversary of her death and just past her 5th birthday. But, no, I read 4 books of the Bible today! How's that for Grace? And, speaking of Grace, that was our baby's middle name.
Glory to God in the highest.
My love and me
Tim & Jess
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jesus. Show all posts
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
The Vessel Hasn't Broken
(THIS IS FROM A MYSPACE BLOG, AND I WANTED TO PUT IT HERE. This is actually the way I have come to a deeper understanding and fear of the Lord, and thus, have been able to grow in His true love)
AND IN VESSEL, I MEAN ME. AND WHAT DO I MEAN? WELL, THOSE OF YOU WHO REALLY KNOW ME, KNOW THAT GOD CHANNELS THINGS THROUGH ME VERY STRONGLY. WELL, I HAVE TROUBLE WITH IT A LOT, SO I TRY NOT TO FOCUS ON IT, BUT IT HAS BEEN PRODDING A LOT THE LAST LITTLE WHILE. I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOULSEARCHING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. IT ISN'T THAT I STOPPED BELIEVING IN GOD, BUT THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CREATED THIS WORLD, FOR HIS PLEASURE. WHICH GOT ME ON THE SUBJECT OF HOW IS THINK HE IS NOT A LOVE CENTERED GOD. I WENT THROUGH ALL MY THOUGHTS, AND COMPLIED A LOT OF NEW WISDOM. ME AND SARA TALKED A LOT ABOUT THESE THINGS LAST NIGHT, AND HERE IS WHAT SHE BLOGGED LATE LAST NIGHT (:SHE BASICALLY IS QUOTING ME). LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:
BY SARA HARVEY
Heaven or Hell... wanna play along?
My sister and i sat down and had a long deep talk about Christianity and salvation. She had a very interesting theory. Everything in life that we go through is all just a part of God's little game. It's his version of "LIFE".
Is God really a compassionate, loving, caring God?? Or is he a jealous, selfish, and humorous God that laughs at our misfortune??..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />
God is all-powerful. He didn't have to do this to us. If He wanted to he could have just made everyone care free and happy. No sin, no free will, no predestined to burn in hell. But he chose to give us that. So we are stuck here to play along with His game while He sits back, watches and laughs and waves His finger. It all boils down to one simple fact.
If you don't chose God you will burn in Hell forever. It's as simple as that. It's so simple right?? I don't think it's free will at all. I think that whether you want to or not, you better chose God if you want to live. It's not only based on love and compassion. It's based on Fear and fact. "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." Wise people make wise choices. God lays it all out. It's not so lovey dovey sweet and simple. It's here I am. Take it or die.
In a good way, once you realize this, and you fear God, you will grow wiser and closer to God and you will then experience the love of God. But it's not what you learn in church. There's so much more. There's a much scarier and serious side to it.
Christians are all so hypocritical too right? Why should you believe what we say when we say we believe and then we go and act like pagans? Well, I am a hypocrite, but I still believe in God. What does that say?
It says that I'm human. You are a hypocrite. What is your belief? Does your hypocrisy mean that your beliefs are untrue? No. It means you are human. We are all hypocrites because we live in a fallen world and we are all a part of a game of surviving life and making the right decision.
We have to choose to follow God in everything we do each day or we are tortured forever. If you continue to live by going against the rules, you will never be happy. You can still grow and prosper, but you can believe that God isn't going to let you have everything you could if you don't choose Him. It's simply a fish traveling upstream; a poor man trying to get rich at a casino. The odds are all against you. You might get lucky once or twice, but in the end you lose. So do you really have a choice??
No.
SO IT ISN'T THAT I AM BEING NEGATIVE OR CYNICAL, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WHEN YOU ARE PLAYING HIS WAY, HE KEEPS YOU UNDER HIS WING. I BELIEVE HE DOES LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. BUT I HAVE A NEW FOUND APPRECIATION FOR "THE FEAR OF GOD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM" BECAUSE, OK, HE IS IN CONTROL OF THIS WORLD, AND, OK, HE DID GIVE US THIS GAME TO PLAY. SO I WANT TO PROSPER, HAVE PEACE IN MY HEART, ETC. SO MY CHOICE IS..BE SCARED OF THE GAME, KNOWING THAT IF I PLAY IT BY THE RULES, I WILL HAVE LIFE, WITHOUT SADNESS, FOREVER, AND LIFE NOW, IN ABUNDANCE, AND IF I DON'T CHOOSE TO GO ALONG, WELL, THEN THAT IS JUST DUMB, BECAUSE THE RULES HAVE BEEN LAID OUT. AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE IN YOUR HEART IF YOU PLAY BY YOUR OWN MADE UP RULES. i HAVE STARTED RAMBLING NOW. I BET THIS SOUNDS REALLY RETERDED. I AM NOT GOING TO EDIT RIGHT NOW. BUT I AM GOING TO ADD TO THIS LATER.
OH, AND, I TOOK A STEP BACK AND LOOKED AT GOD, JST FOR WHO HE IS, OR WHO I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT HE IS, AND THEN WHO I HAVE FOUND HIM TO BE. THEN LOOKED AT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS. MIXED IT ALL TOGETHER, AND ABOVE ARE SOME OF THE CONCLUSIONS THAT I HAVE COME TO. I NEEDED TO PULL AWAY FROM THE ROOTS I HAD, TO SEE WHY SHOULD THE ONE I CALL GOD BE THE REAL ONE? MY FINDING? BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE. IN THE HOSPITAL CANCER WARDS, LIKE ST JUDE, MY COUSIN, ALONG WITH MANY MANY KIDS, SEE ANGELS, AND JESUS THOUGH THE WINGS AND IN THE ROOMS. MT COUSIN HAD A BRAIN TUMOR, AND HAS STORIES, SO DO SO MANY KIDS AND ADULTS. WHAT I HAD ONDERED WAS "ARE THERE STORIES OF THE KIDS CLOSE TO THE OTHER SIDE, SEEING ALLAH, MUHAMMAD, ETC?" I ALWAYS HEAR THAT IT IS JESUS. AND ALSO, THERE ARE NONCHRISTIAN COUNTRIES, I AM TALKING REMOTE AREAS THAT HAVE NEVER HAD MISSIONARIES, WHERE PEOPLE HAVE DREAMS OF "JESU" OR SOME FORM OF THE WORD JESUS. HOW STRANGE IS THAT? AND YOU CAN NOT DENY THE POWER OF READING THE BIBLE. IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ IT CONSECUTIVELY FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME, YOU ARE MISSING WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED SUPERNATURAL. READ IT AND SEE.
AND IN VESSEL, I MEAN ME. AND WHAT DO I MEAN? WELL, THOSE OF YOU WHO REALLY KNOW ME, KNOW THAT GOD CHANNELS THINGS THROUGH ME VERY STRONGLY. WELL, I HAVE TROUBLE WITH IT A LOT, SO I TRY NOT TO FOCUS ON IT, BUT IT HAS BEEN PRODDING A LOT THE LAST LITTLE WHILE. I HAVE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOULSEARCHING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS. IT ISN'T THAT I STOPPED BELIEVING IN GOD, BUT THAT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY HE CREATED THIS WORLD, FOR HIS PLEASURE. WHICH GOT ME ON THE SUBJECT OF HOW IS THINK HE IS NOT A LOVE CENTERED GOD. I WENT THROUGH ALL MY THOUGHTS, AND COMPLIED A LOT OF NEW WISDOM. ME AND SARA TALKED A LOT ABOUT THESE THINGS LAST NIGHT, AND HERE IS WHAT SHE BLOGGED LATE LAST NIGHT (:SHE BASICALLY IS QUOTING ME). LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK:
BY SARA HARVEY
Heaven or Hell... wanna play along?
My sister and i sat down and had a long deep talk about Christianity and salvation. She had a very interesting theory. Everything in life that we go through is all just a part of God's little game. It's his version of "LIFE".
Is God really a compassionate, loving, caring God?? Or is he a jealous, selfish, and humorous God that laughs at our misfortune??..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />
God is all-powerful. He didn't have to do this to us. If He wanted to he could have just made everyone care free and happy. No sin, no free will, no predestined to burn in hell. But he chose to give us that. So we are stuck here to play along with His game while He sits back, watches and laughs and waves His finger. It all boils down to one simple fact.
If you don't chose God you will burn in Hell forever. It's as simple as that. It's so simple right?? I don't think it's free will at all. I think that whether you want to or not, you better chose God if you want to live. It's not only based on love and compassion. It's based on Fear and fact. "The fear of God is the beginning of wisdom." Wise people make wise choices. God lays it all out. It's not so lovey dovey sweet and simple. It's here I am. Take it or die.
In a good way, once you realize this, and you fear God, you will grow wiser and closer to God and you will then experience the love of God. But it's not what you learn in church. There's so much more. There's a much scarier and serious side to it.
Christians are all so hypocritical too right? Why should you believe what we say when we say we believe and then we go and act like pagans? Well, I am a hypocrite, but I still believe in God. What does that say?
It says that I'm human. You are a hypocrite. What is your belief? Does your hypocrisy mean that your beliefs are untrue? No. It means you are human. We are all hypocrites because we live in a fallen world and we are all a part of a game of surviving life and making the right decision.
We have to choose to follow God in everything we do each day or we are tortured forever. If you continue to live by going against the rules, you will never be happy. You can still grow and prosper, but you can believe that God isn't going to let you have everything you could if you don't choose Him. It's simply a fish traveling upstream; a poor man trying to get rich at a casino. The odds are all against you. You might get lucky once or twice, but in the end you lose. So do you really have a choice??
No.
SO IT ISN'T THAT I AM BEING NEGATIVE OR CYNICAL, BECAUSE I DO BELIEVE THAT WHEN YOU ARE PLAYING HIS WAY, HE KEEPS YOU UNDER HIS WING. I BELIEVE HE DOES LOVE THOSE WHO LOVE HIM. BUT I HAVE A NEW FOUND APPRECIATION FOR "THE FEAR OF GOD IS THE BEGINNING OF WISDOM" BECAUSE, OK, HE IS IN CONTROL OF THIS WORLD, AND, OK, HE DID GIVE US THIS GAME TO PLAY. SO I WANT TO PROSPER, HAVE PEACE IN MY HEART, ETC. SO MY CHOICE IS..BE SCARED OF THE GAME, KNOWING THAT IF I PLAY IT BY THE RULES, I WILL HAVE LIFE, WITHOUT SADNESS, FOREVER, AND LIFE NOW, IN ABUNDANCE, AND IF I DON'T CHOOSE TO GO ALONG, WELL, THEN THAT IS JUST DUMB, BECAUSE THE RULES HAVE BEEN LAID OUT. AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE PEACE IN YOUR HEART IF YOU PLAY BY YOUR OWN MADE UP RULES. i HAVE STARTED RAMBLING NOW. I BET THIS SOUNDS REALLY RETERDED. I AM NOT GOING TO EDIT RIGHT NOW. BUT I AM GOING TO ADD TO THIS LATER.
OH, AND, I TOOK A STEP BACK AND LOOKED AT GOD, JST FOR WHO HE IS, OR WHO I HAVE BEEN TAUGHT THAT HE IS, AND THEN WHO I HAVE FOUND HIM TO BE. THEN LOOKED AT WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS. MIXED IT ALL TOGETHER, AND ABOVE ARE SOME OF THE CONCLUSIONS THAT I HAVE COME TO. I NEEDED TO PULL AWAY FROM THE ROOTS I HAD, TO SEE WHY SHOULD THE ONE I CALL GOD BE THE REAL ONE? MY FINDING? BECAUSE HE IS THE ONE. IN THE HOSPITAL CANCER WARDS, LIKE ST JUDE, MY COUSIN, ALONG WITH MANY MANY KIDS, SEE ANGELS, AND JESUS THOUGH THE WINGS AND IN THE ROOMS. MT COUSIN HAD A BRAIN TUMOR, AND HAS STORIES, SO DO SO MANY KIDS AND ADULTS. WHAT I HAD ONDERED WAS "ARE THERE STORIES OF THE KIDS CLOSE TO THE OTHER SIDE, SEEING ALLAH, MUHAMMAD, ETC?" I ALWAYS HEAR THAT IT IS JESUS. AND ALSO, THERE ARE NONCHRISTIAN COUNTRIES, I AM TALKING REMOTE AREAS THAT HAVE NEVER HAD MISSIONARIES, WHERE PEOPLE HAVE DREAMS OF "JESU" OR SOME FORM OF THE WORD JESUS. HOW STRANGE IS THAT? AND YOU CAN NOT DENY THE POWER OF READING THE BIBLE. IF YOU HAVE NEVER READ IT CONSECUTIVELY FOR ANY PERIOD OF TIME, YOU ARE MISSING WHAT CAN ONLY BE CALLED SUPERNATURAL. READ IT AND SEE.
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