Through the rain

Today, Abby died, 5 years ago. Also, there was news of 2 or 3 soldiers dying from a road side bomb in Baghdad today.
Tim hasn't called, which is normal when something happens.
The wierd thing is that I keep smellign white lillies. Now, I have been asking for prayers, and it dawned on me as I write this, that is it the Holy Spirit's presence? Is it so strong that I can smell it? Or is it that Tim has passed on, and it is the Holy Spirit preparing me for the men in Class A's awaiting my arrival at home? I am at work right now, in a small law office in Bartlett. There are so many things going through my mind.
And even though I don't know if my love is alive or dead, each time this happens, my mind starts going through how I will live off the life insurance money if he is gone. How to make it go as far as possible. If only he would call. Just to hear his voice. But the neatest thing is, Jesus is right here. He is my shepherd. His rod and staff, they comfort me. The grass whithers, the flower fades, but the Word of God shall stand forever. No matter if Tim is here or there, alive or in heaven, I know, one day, we will all be gone from this earth, but my God will still be forever. My heart knows, even if Tim is alive, one day, his day, as all of ours, will come to be his last. So, why worry so much. The days of grieving will come, either now or later, and God will be here, holding me up on His shoulders. I literally feel exalted in prayer, if those are the right words for it. Like I am hanging in the balance. Under normal, earthly, circumstances, I would be inconsolable, being it our daughter's 5 year anniversary of her death and just past her 5th birthday. But, no, I read 4 books of the Bible today! How's that for Grace? And, speaking of Grace, that was our baby's middle name.
Glory to God in the highest.